Journals
by Moonpuppy
Summary: What really happened on Halloween 1981. A big what-if idea, enough slash that this is as close to NC-17 as I could legally make it, and Draco's POV. If you like the idea of completely twisted stories that somehow fit in context, read it, if not, 'kay.
1. Prologue

Journals  
  
Summary: Draco researches the death of the Potters, only to discover it had deeper involvement with himself.  
  
Spoilers: PS/SS; CoS; PoA; GoF; RL/SB; RL/LM  
  
Disclaimer: I just helped write two HP fan fics, one was minor slash the other not yet slash. The comedic basis for these stories was somehow mixing with my original, far more serious stuff, and the two melded into this. However I must warn that not a single named character belongs to me. No, they belong to JKR, Scholastic Books, WB, and some British thingies. It's based on a very big scene from PoA, probably the most important, and if you haven't read that then you're completely lost about this story and missing out on all my favorite characters' shining moments. Anyway.-.-|| I do not own this, and review, flame, whatever.  
  
Prologue:  
  
London, England.  
  
1981  
  
I was sitting at the park to finish another script. I have several. I'm at that point where I realize I'm a incredible writer, I just need to find the one story I really want to write.  
  
It's funny. A thousand and one lesser ideas and I can't find one I really like. So I write them all down. Maybe if I write enough I can find my story hiding underneath them all. Like finding tender for a fire.  
  
So I write. I write everything. Because they will help me be great. Because one day I will find my story. And I need to write it down well. So I write. For practice. For experience.  
  
Frankly, I write to shift through the shit.  
  
But it's not enough. So I travel. At first it was merely to public places. Parks, museums, subways, restaurants. But that didn't help at all. So I decided to travel the world two weeks ago. Last week I went to Sydney. This week I'm in London with a ticket for Seoul tomorrow. I still go to public places. I need sparks.  
  
If writing things down is my way to find tender, then traveling is my flint.  
  
And on August 23rd, 1981, I got my sparks. * * *  
  
A man ran up to me as I was writing. He was about 5'10, average weight. Kind of stocky, not quite fat, not quite buff, but looked like he could handle himself decently, but not too well. Maybe benched 100lbs, but not more than 150. Medium blonde, small black eyes.  
  
"You have to help me, please, he's trying to kill me!" he begged, eyes pleading.  
  
At first I thought he was paranoid or schizophrenic, but his eyes were honest and frightened. I was confused because no one had ever said that to me before. So I simply asked, "Who?"  
  
He looked at me, no doubt surprised that I'd asked that. ".You wouldn't know him," he finally said.  
  
Well. I'd heard some schizos were pretty convincing.  
  
A dog barked, causing the man to turn his head quickly. There was a large black dog running up and barking. The man turned back to me, very pale.  
  
"Help me! Do you have a weapon?"  
  
"You think the dog wants to kill you?"  
  
"He's no dog, just help me!"  
  
I gave him my Swiss army knife. He was pretty amusing- I'm easily amused- and I thought it'd be funny to see his reaction.  
  
He took it, watching the dog.  
  
Huh. The dog really was coming over here.  
  
"He killed Lily and James. He tried to kill Harry, too. He killed his master. He could never kill Remus, but now he wants to kill me," the man whispered in fear.  
  
The dog?  
  
The man suddenly turned and ran. The dog followed, still barking.  
  
What the hell was going on?  
  
I had to find out. Damn my insatiable curiosity.  
  
The man ran to the street. He stopped because of the heavy traffic, but the dog was still in pursuit. He was desperate for escape, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a wand.  
  
A wand?  
  
He held it up, shouting in Latin. The cars stopped, and he wove through them, putting the wand back into his pocket.  
  
That dog was still in pursuit.  
  
The drivers got out, following the man and the dog. I didn't want to be left out.  
  
When I caught up there was a small crowd gathered around them. The dog had the man pinned against a double-decker bus. The dog snarled and the man grew even paler.  
  
My, what big teeth you have.  
  
"S-Sirius! You-know-who's dead, you don't have to serve him anymore!"  
  
The dog barked again. The man held my knife out.  
  
"I'm brave, I know it! That's what the hat told me!"  
  
The hat? Good Lord. He was psychotic.  
  
Maybe I was too, because at that moment the dog turned into a man. This man was tall, lean, and had long dark hair. He looked like he could handle himself a lot better than the first man, and he was mad.  
  
"Brave, Peter? When you can't even say your master's name?"  
  
"My master? What are you talking about?"  
  
"Voldemort, Peter! Don't you dare lie to me! Not when I told James to switch to you! Not when I can see the Death Eater tattoo on your arm!"  
  
The man held his arm up, showing a black skull with a snake interwoven in. "This? No, Sirius, you don't understand, this is-"  
  
"I understand enough, Peter Pettigrew! I understand you broke our promise! I understand you served under the most evil wizard of time! I understand you were single handedly responsible for the deaths of two of our closest friends!"  
  
"No! Sirius, it wasn't me, I wasn't the one!"  
  
Sirius? Good name for the dog, but for the. What was he, anyway?  
  
"Their secret was in your soul, Peter. You sold them out. For how much, Peter? How much did Voldemort give you to kill your best friend? His wife? To orphan their thirteen month old child?!"  
  
"I didn't get anything!"  
  
"I promised James I'd take care of Harry- And I will! Right after I've killed you, Wormtail!"  
  
"No! Harry's safe, Sirius!" His eyes shifted with a new emotion. A sort of clarity.  
  
"You killed them. James trusted you most, you would be the one- How do we know he ever switched?"  
  
"What? Are you saying I killed James and Lily Potter? A man I loved like my own brother? A woman I walked down the aisle on her wedding day? I orphaned my Godson, who I loved as my own because you know I'll never have my own?"  
  
Peter laughed, but it was one of those laughs that points out irony. "Moony was the only one who didn't know. Him and that Malfoy idiot. But everyone else knew, even Snape. You really cared about Moony. Loved Remus more than you loved any of us. You were completely in love with Remus Lupin, and you call me a coward for not saying V-V-Voldemort when you couldn't even tell a kind, caring, understanding guy like our Moony that you loved him!"  
  
Sirius's hands clenched into fists. "Don't you dare talk about Remus!"  
  
"Was that your price, Sirius Black?"  
  
Sirius looked startled. "What?"  
  
"Voldemort- He supposedly had a cure for lycanthropy. Nothing could have made Moony- Remus- happier than to be cured. If you made it where he no longer had to be a werewolf. And you- If you gave him the cure, you could then explain just how willing you were to be with him, just how much you cared, and he'd probably be a lot more responsive because of what you did, wouldn't he?" Sirius just looked shocked.  
  
"How low can you get, Padfoot? Orphaning Harry so you could finally get the backbone to tell Moony how you really felt since our first year at Hogwarts!"  
  
Hogwarts? Was that some sort of mental hospital? Or a school?  
  
"I would never kill James and Lily just to admit that to Remus! Not for something so trivial as my own cowardice!" His voice was cold as he glared at Peter. "But you're right- to cure Remus, to stop him from feeling the pain of transforming- Yes. I would have killed James and Lily, and even little Harry, if it meant Remus wouldn't go through another torturous full moon."  
  
Peter was sobbing, but Sirius merely glared even sharper at him.  
  
"But Voldemort had no such cure!"  
  
Peter snapped up, his eyes also angry despite the tears. "You were a Code- Breaker for the Ministry, Sirius! You knew that Voldemort's newest strategy was to recruit lycanthropes with the promise of a cure! You knew! Werewolves like Moony just had to join him! But Moony was a pacifist, so he wouldn't. Yet, brash, impulsive, desperate Sirius Black?"  
  
"Was a Code-Breaker, highly trusted by the Ministry of Magic and Dumbledore himself!"  
  
"Does Remus know? Does he even suspect? Can he ever believe you were the one to sell out James and Lily?"  
  
"You killed them, Peter Pettigrew!"  
  
"James and Lily, Sirius! How could you?"  
  
The man growled. Peter sobbed again, as if seeing now there was only one way to survive. He took my knife and hid it in his right palm. Sirius saw it too, but I might have been the only other one to watch him cut off his index finger. Sirius grabbed his own wand- Wands?- and held it out when Peter, his own hidden on his left side, blew up a sewer main. The resulting explosion was huge, but I couldn't take my eyes off of Peter as he transformed into a rat and ran into the sewers.  
  
It hit me then. Wormtail. A rat. And Padfoot, like a dog's foot. The dog. And the werewolf, Moony. Ha ha. Wonder what James was.  
  
Sirius just started to laugh maniacally. I turned to him, and he kept laughing as if something completely ironic and entirely his fault had just happened.  
  
"So. Are you guys some kind of wizards?"  
  
He just kept laughing. I decided to leave him alone. * * *  
  
Twelve people had died. The newspapers were right, it was a sewer main explosion, they just didn't realize it had been caused by a Wizard. But how could they? As Sirius just stood there laughing, six men and four women suddenly appeared. I felt I should leave, so I walked over to my rental car, put my tape recorder underneath, and walked into a nearby- and closed windowed- store to buy paper. I had to write this down. After they'd all left, I sat down and listened to my recording to match it to what I'd watched from my hiding place in the store.  
  
One wizard looked around. "Muggles! You'd think they'd learn not to stick around!"  
  
"Leave 'em be, Curilius."  
  
He just kept laughing. One of the male wizards walked up to him.  
  
"Blimey, it's Sirius Black. Of all the people."  
  
"What, Fletcher? Didn't think he had it in him?"  
  
"It's not that, Davis, it's just-"  
  
"Sirius was one of the top wizards of his year. A bit of a slacker, quite the prankster, but still rather brilliant at the art."  
  
"I know, we graduated together, except he was in Gryffindor and I was a Ravenclaw, but still. It's like Dumbledore, y'know?"  
  
"Why?"  
  
"I dunno, just. He had the power, sure, but. Not the mind set. Not a killer."  
  
"You're wrong, Fletcher. Look at this. He's a killer if I ever saw one."  
  
Sirius had kept laughing the whole time. It wasn't hard to see a killer laughing like that.  
  
"Alright, let's bring him in." One of the women grabbed his wand, snapping it in two. He started to ramble on nonsense words.  
  
"I'm going to Azkaban. Me. The guilty one ran away, but I'm going to jail. Peter went down the sewer, just like a little rat. He got away, and I'm taking his place. No, get off me." He shrugged a man off. "I have to stay. I'm innocent. Peter ran away, I have to kill him, he killed James."  
  
Another wizard tried to restrain him, but Sirius shrugged him off too. "I don't want to go, I have to stay and take care of Harry. I promised James. I have to stay. Remus needs me, Harry needs me, I promised James, I have to stay. I don't wanna go to Azkaban. I don' wanna go to Azkaban. I don' wanna go t' Azkaban. Don' wanna go t' Azkaban. Don' wanna go. Don' wanna go. Don' wanna. No no no, I can't go I promised James I'd stay. I promised. Let me go. Please let me go. Remus needs me. Remus needs me to tell him. I wanna stay with Remus and Harry. Wanna be with Remus an' raise Harry. I wanna raise Harry Potter. Wanna be with Remus. I love him. I need to be with him. I love him. I love you, Moony, I'll get out, I don' wanna go. No make me go, no wanna go t' Azkaban. Lemme go. Harry. Harry." he rambled on like this, probably even more as he went away from the recorder.  
  
Two of the men had grabbed him beneath the shoulders and dragged him away. The other wizards began asking questions to people, writing things down then casting a spell and walking away. Probably a mind-wiping spell.  
  
When done, they vanished.  
  
I knew what I had. I had a story that would be huge.  
  
Shame. I'd been looking forward to Korea. 


	2. Comedic Break

Chapter 1-  
  
Comedic Break.  
  
Surrey, England  
  
1995  
  
I've always enjoyed Muggle movies.  
  
I know, I know. Draco Malfoy, famous Muggle-hater, enjoys the top- grossing form of Muggle entertainment?  
  
Did I say I found Muggles creative? No.  
  
I watch them because they're funny.  
  
Think about it. So much plot. Idiots trying to share their ideas through pictures but too lazy to draw, or even to use a regular camera. Wizards don't have movies.  
  
They don't have cheesy lighting that costs half a million or surround sound or special effects.  
  
Why bother? All we need are our wands, quills, and ink. Costs no more than 8 galleons. A lot less than 27 million dollars for a piece of crap from Hollywood, the "good" ones can range over 200 million.  
  
200 million American Muggle dollars. Even my family's not worth that. Close, though.  
  
So it's funny. I've watched every major Muggle film since I was 9. It's become sort of a comedic break for me.  
  
Twice I week I go into a crowded room with poor lighting after practicing Quidditch and doing some homework, sit down in the middle with a bag of over-cooked corn completely saturated in a oily, greasy fake butter, a large bottle of water that I put a straw inside, and the only good Muggle invention ever- Junior Mints, or Pleasure in a little white and green box- and watch the latest "opus".  
  
Piece of crap.  
  
Piece of crap.  
  
Piece of crap.  
  
Muggles. You can learn a lot by what they find stimulating.  
  
Oh no. Dinosaurs got lose.  
  
Piece of crap.  
  
"Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi!"  
  
Piece of crap.  
  
Crap, crap, crap.  
  
But it's funny. They are so proud. It's worth the money for a ticket just to watch Muggles blowing each other up, running in fear, fucking, killing each other, falling in love as the women in the audience scream, "Oh, how romantic!", etc., etc., etc.  
  
Point my finger at the screen when a Muggle dies. "Avada Kedarva." That's funny.  
  
Watch how the audience reacts. Oh no, little girl, the big bad alien's going to get you! She screams. I laugh. Avada Kedarva her, too.  
  
Father doesn't know I do this. One summer I snuck into a theatre, I was nine then, and I fell in love.  
  
It's so damned funny! And yet, Muggles take their beloved media so seriously.  
  
Hee hee hee. Ha ha ha ha!  
  
Guy on screen dies. Point, Avada Kedarva. Laugh. Ignore stupid Muggles telling me to be quiet.  
  
Previews are done. Grab a large handful of popcorn. Crunch. Loudly to annoy the Muggles.  
  
Hmm. Wonder what I'm seeing? Aw, it's a piece of crap. Slurp my water through a straw to annoy them more.  
  
Something weird. Don't understand the name. Crap. Crunch. Actor sucks.  
  
Him, too.  
  
Him, too.  
  
Writer/director sucks.  
  
Little girl next to me has Milk Duds, the single most loud and annoying candy ever made. Hard but overly chewy caramel gets stuck in your mouth, you have to smack it out. I steal them. Try one.  
  
Smack smack smack. Slurp. New dud. Smack.  
  
Muggles yell more. So rude.  
  
"'Ey, I'm tryin' ta watch a movie 'ere!" I yell at them. Slurp. Try a Junior mint. Little waves of pleasure rush against my body. Mmm.  
  
Plot is what? Plot is what?  
  
Oh, goodie. Dark forest. Spooky.  
  
Oh-so-original.  
  
"My lord?" a voice, stereotypically shrill and cracking, says.  
  
Honestly. Evil isn't so shrill always. I think my voice is melodic. Erotic, even. Not "Shrill" in the least.  
  
"My Lord Voldemort?" Shrill continued. Huh. Original name. Slurp.  
  
LORD VOLDEMORT?!? I spit my water on the man in front of me in shock, much to his annoyance.  
  
"VOLDEMORT?! Father serves him!"  
  
Several "Ssh!", one Muggle throws a cup.  
  
Rude. Avada Kedarva.  
  
Wonder who plays Father? Hopefully a white-blonde shrill. Mmm.  
  
New shrill. "My Lord Voldemort, we have the wolf."  
  
"Excellent. Do you still want your old high school toy when we're done with him?" Deep, evil, husky. Stereotypical.  
  
"Please, my Lord. If you would be so generous."  
  
"Avery, bring him in."  
  
Avery?! A real Death Eater, and a lesser known! I would have been less surprised if he'd said "Malfoy".  
  
"Malfoy, you shall have him back soon."  
  
Well. Speak of the devil.  
  
"Thank you, my Lord."  
  
"Here is the werewolf, my Lord." First shrill.  
  
Werewolf. Overly hairy, bound and gagged, big, hideous, evil-looking.  
  
Or they could shock me three times in less minutes. Young, handsome dirty- blonde scholarly type, walking erect and unfettered. Slurp.  
  
"Ah. Remus Lupin." Spit my water again. Four times!  
  
"PROFFESSOR LUPIN?! DADA HANGS OUT WITH SIRIUS BLACK 'I LOVE POTTER' PROFFESSOR LUPIN?!"  
  
"SSH!" Damned Muggles! Blow into straw to make bubbles. They hate that.  
  
"Voldemort. I refuse." Hm. Good voice. Close to his real voice.  
  
"I'd have assumed you of all people would say 'yes', Mr. Lupin, to be rid of your curse. You are what, 23?"  
  
"21." At the height of Voldemort's power? Accurate.  
  
"You received the curse at five?"  
  
Lupin lowers his eyes. ".Three." Whispered. Crunch.  
  
"Eighteen years." No shit.  
  
"I do have a degree in education." Well put.  
  
I always kind of liked Prof. Lupin. Maybe even more than Snape. But I'd never tell him that.  
  
"I have the cure, Mr. Lupin."  
  
"As well as my answer." Smack.  
  
"Eighteen years is a long time. They say the wolf's personality is almost always dominant. It speaks to you, like you're schizophrenic but it's reality, and you don't speak aloud you just hide inside your own mind and watch as the wolf lives your life."  
  
".Yes." Crunch.  
  
"Join me and you can be rid of that."  
  
"I can't. I won't. I-I'd do anything to get rid of this- Anything. Except."  
  
"Join me?"  
  
"Help you kill those I love. Peter. James and Lily. Little Harry. .Sirius."  
  
Damned accurate.  
  
"It must be hard. To love?"  
  
".Yes." Crunch.  
  
"The wolf tells you who to love."  
  
"I love them with out it's permission." Cheesy. Very Lupin.  
  
"But it won't let you say it. To tell them you love them? To tell Sirius Black you love him?"  
  
Lupin started crying. "I- Oh God, if only I could tell him! Just- just an hour with out Moony, just so I can tell him how I feel, to tell him I know how he loves me back-"  
  
He sank to his knees, hugging himself and sobbing.  
  
Ha! Lupin and Black? Like they'd ever be a couple. Slurp.  
  
"I can get rid of it."  
  
"I just want to be alone. Without Moony."  
  
Moony? Oh, yes. Snape told me about their little gang. Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs.  
  
I sat there and watched the rest of the movie in earnest.  
  
Cute. Good wolfie. Shoo.  
  
Continue on.  
  
Potter must be thrilled. Even the Muggles have a movie about his rise to fame. Shame his Muggle family won't let him see it.  
  
But no. It goes back to their little gang.  
  
The Potters die. Accurate.  
  
Voldemort's fall. Accurate.  
  
Damn. Definitely Muggle made, but how is it so realistic?  
  
Black vs. Pettigrew.  
  
Ha. Black was guilty.  
  
But he probably did say things like that.  
  
What's with that Muggle? Why is he playing with that car?  
  
End. "We Muggles deserve to know."  
  
No you don't.  
  
The little girl smiles at me.  
  
"What?"  
  
"A wizard!"  
  
Aw.  
  
"Look, Mommy! He's a wizard too!"  
  
"He is not, honey."  
  
"Is too! He's blonde like that mean one!"  
  
"So are lots of people. Face it, dear, we're all just these 'Muggles'. He's not a wizard."  
  
"Am too!"  
  
"Dear, please don't encourage her."  
  
"He's got a wand!"  
  
I hold it out. "Sure do! It's a nice one." Bright kid. No Avada Kedarva.  
  
"Please stop this."  
  
"But I am! My name's Draco Malfoy, like the blonde guy, Lucius. Who's actually my father- the real one, not the movie one. Sirius Black is that convict who escaped two years ago, Harry Potter's a classmate of mine at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, and Professor Remus Lupin taught Defense Against the Dark Arts- DADA- my third year there." Pause. "He's not really gay, I think. Nor was my father. I mean, look at me. I'd never be here. But Lupin is a werewolf."  
  
"Do magic!" She held up a doll.  
  
"I'm not allowed." The mother smiled.  
  
"But here." I turn the doll's hair blue.  
  
"Magic! Wow!"  
  
"How did you-"  
  
"Don't tell, I'm underage." I start a small fire in the aisle and throw some powder in. "Mum!"  
  
"Yes, dear!"  
  
"I'm coming home!"  
  
"Okay, the fire place is open!"  
  
"Thanks, Mum!"  
  
Floo powder.  
  
Home. 


	3. Curiosity

Chapter 2-  
  
Curiosity  
  
Surrey, England.  
  
House elf cleaning the fire place. I kick it away as I land.  
  
"Grubby is sorry, Master!"  
  
"Grubby is in my fuckin' way." Kick it again.  
  
"Draco! Language!" Dad.  
  
Translation: "Bad little Dragon! Don't act like a Muggle!"  
  
Fuck you too, Dad.  
  
"Supper will be ready in half an hour." Mum.  
  
Hmm. I wonder. Mum and Dad were in their year.  
  
"Was Sirius Black gay?"  
  
"Hated him. Don't care." Dad.  
  
"I'm fairly sure. If he was, he only liked one guy. But he was pretty popular. Lots of girls had crushes on him." Mum.  
  
"Hush woman." Dad.  
  
Happy Family, huh?  
  
"How about Remus Lupin?"  
  
"Oh, wow. I liked him a lot. He was really nice, and pretty cute too, another school pick." Mum.  
  
"Hush woman. So was I."  
  
"Yes, so were you." Not happy Mum.  
  
"But yes, Draco, he was. The school whore, really. Did almost everyone. Not his close friends. Not some others."  
  
Not you? Or did he? Don't ask.  
  
"Everyone thought he liked Black, really." Mum.  
  
"Hush woman."  
  
Happy family.  
  
"But- School whore? Don't werewolves mate for life?"  
  
"So do humans. But just like humans, they screw around a bit and settle down, some cheat a bit, some don't. It varies."  
  
Ah.  
  
Hmm. Maybe I should ask Professor Lupin himself. Yes. I could meet him at the Three Broomsticks, asking for essay help, which I do need.  
  
Two birds, one stone.  
  
I'll send the letter off. Right now. I run to my study. Grab a quill. Paper. Ink. Draw a Slytherin "S" to mess with poor Gryffindor Lupin. Maybe not. Toss it. Start over. A moon and a wolf howling at it.  
  
Yeah. He's used to me drawing on my papers- I draw every time I write something down, I have to do a little sketch somewhere with it- that and the hand writing will prove it's me.  
  
Dear Professor Lupin-  
  
Um, hi, it's Draco Malfoy. I was in your third year Slytherin- Hufflepuff class {I'm in Slytherin}. Um.You're the only DADA teacher who's still alive/ remembers his name/ not paranoid, so I was wondering if you could help me with an essay. Send back a time we can meet at the Three Broomsticks. Thanks!  
  
-Draco Malfoy.  
  
Draw a little dragon under my name. Done.  
  
Send it on Owl. That's it's name. Actually, it's full name is "That damned owl", but Dad hates my vulgarity.  
  
"Muggles are vulgar. Wizards are refined."  
  
I say "Fuck off."  
  
Happy family.  
  
Dinner time. Good.  
  
"Here, Master." Damned elf. I hate house elves. They always baby me. I don't need them.  
  
"Did you just send an owl off to one of your little friends?" Dad.  
  
Translation: "What orders did you send to which of your pathetic underlings?"  
  
Lie? Truth? Truth.  
  
"No. It was to a teacher for homework help."  
  
"What subject?" Mum.  
  
Dad would be pissed if I answered truthfully with DADA. Lie.  
  
"Arithmancy."  
  
"Oh." Mum looks disappointed. "I was good at that."  
  
"Hush woman." Happy family.  
  
Dad talked about work again. Droll. Mum stayed quiet. She does that.  
  
The elf took my finished soup and salad and put down the main course. Some sort of chicken pasta. I try some. Pretty good. I order the elves to bring me something else, anyway. I still eat it.  
  
They've caught on. Must have prepared it while they prepared the pasta. Broiled steaks. Looks good. Smells better. Hmm. But I want to piss them off.  
  
"I've already eaten." Hand them empty pasta dish.  
  
"Draco! Eat all your food!" Dad.  
  
Trans: "That cost money, stupid boy! Eat all of you food!"  
  
Happy family.  
  
No choice but to eat the steaks, too. Oh, damn. It's excellent. But I still offended the elves by denying it, so it's ok. No. Bug 'em more.  
  
"Tastes like shit."  
  
"Don't be vulgar." Dad.  
  
Trans: "Don't act like a Muggle."  
  
"Fuck off."  
  
"Go to your room."  
  
"Which one?" Damned good steak.  
  
"Let him finish his dinner." Mum.  
  
"Then he goes to his room."  
  
"Fine."  
  
"Yeah, fine, Dad." Mm. I wish I still had my pasta. Feel like flinging some at an elf.  
  
Pick up a roll and butter it. Throw that instead.  
  
"Draco!"  
  
Trans: "Spoiled little prat! A disgrace to our race! Leave my sight!"  
  
"'Kay, fine." Grab another roll and leave.  
  
Which is where I wanted to go.  
  
Happy family.  
  
I fall on my bed. Boring. Father's been worse as of late.  
  
He's always hated me.  
  
It's always been mutual.  
  
Still. It's like he's waiting for something.  
  
He's a Death Eater. I'm fairly sure he's the first. He would sacrifice me to his master in a heartbeat.  
  
Except I'm better. Faster. He can't kill me.  
  
Still, he goes to his meetings, eager. Hopeful, even.  
  
Always unsatisfied when he returns.  
  
What's he anticipating, anyway?  
  
I'm bored. Huh. A ball. Toss, catch. Could do it with magic, but sometimes it feels better to use my own hands and eyes. To watch and feel it. To occasionally miss.  
  
Toss. Catch.  
  
It's easier to think like this too.  
  
Like about how Dad never talks about his school days. How Mum rarely talks. Huh. Toss, catch.  
  
Why? It seems no one wants to live those seven years again.  
  
Toss catch. Why? What happened?  
  
There's away to know, I suppose. But it's rough.  
  
Sneaky.  
  
Unprecedented.  
  
Dad would punish me if he catches me.  
  
He can't.  
  
I'll do it. I finger the invisibility cloak I bought one day while Dad was selling some of his Dark Arts stuff three years ago.  
  
When they're asleep. 


	4. The Hidden Books

Chapter 3-  
  
The "Hidden" Books  
  
Surrey, England  
  
I creep out of my room, silent. The candle is lit, but no one can see the light but me. I bought it when I bought my cloak. That and the bag at my waist. The bag is a magic vacuum. I can put as much stuff as needed in it, but it looks like a Muggle mini-backpack.  
  
Where first?  
  
Dad's room? Mum's? Dad's study? Yes.  
  
I go to the dark door. Locked. Easily fixed. I pull out the lock breaker I bought two years ago. Run it along the lock and the hinges.  
  
It opens on its own.  
  
I go in.  
  
Books. All fake. A wave of my wand reveals the true titles.  
  
Dark magic. Which to read?  
  
None tonight. Tonight is different research.  
  
"Accio school journals." Seven volumes fly into my hands, and I put the in my bag. "Accio Hogwarts Seventh Year Student Book." The surprisingly thin graduate yearbook flies at me, and I put it with the others.  
  
Wave again to return the books to normal.  
  
Lock door  
  
Mum's room now.  
  
Never locked. How odd.  
  
I hate going in here.  
  
Mum cries at night. Cries for me. She's crying again.  
  
She's awake. I close the door behind me. Turn my light out.  
  
"What?"  
  
Pull back my cloak. "Hello, Mum."  
  
"Honey, why are you here? It's late."  
  
"Sh, it's okay. I wasn't tired and I got bored. Stop crying."  
  
She does. I hug her.  
  
I'm taller than her now. Huh. Weird, in a way. She cries on my shoulder and I let her, holding her. When she stops, I ask.  
  
"Mum."  
  
"Yes, dear?"  
  
"I'm looking for something."  
  
"Well, I hope you find it."  
  
"Do you. Do you have anything from school?"  
  
She pales. Odd.  
  
"Not here." She pulls a box from under her bed. "But.You're old enough for this now."  
  
"What is it?"  
  
"Books. Mostly journals. Some pictures. Other things. I kept them for you to see one day. Your father doesn't know about them. There's a spell for them, an encryption code. So your father can't read them if he finds them. It's-"  
  
A creak in the hall.  
  
"Dad?"  
  
"Yes. Hide."  
  
I duck back under the cloak. Mum goes back to bed.  
  
Dad comes in. I sneak into the hallway as he yells at Mum for making too much noise. He leaves, and I go back in.  
  
"Mum, what are the codes?"  
  
Smile. "Brave little dragon." She hands me another book.  
  
"The code breakers. It's all in here."  
  
I hug her again, kissing her cheek. "Good night, Mum."  
  
I leave her and take my prizes to my room.  
  
I start with the book they both had. All seventh year students get a thin book on graduation day showing everyone who was at school at any time while they were. It has a single picture of each person, but for the seventh years it has many pictures and all of their accomplishments.  
  
Open it up. The four houses rise up on the page. I tap Slytherin. A list of students appear.  
  
Which year.  
  
Ah. 1978. Tap it. Another list, this one much shorter and with a small black and white photo next to each name.  
  
It's like reading a Death Eater listing. Avery, LeStrange, Malfoy, Rosier, Snape. Only one missing is Pettigrew, who was a Gryffindor.  
  
Interesting. All left for a week, unexcused, their first year.  
  
Where's Mum? Not a single Narcissa there.  
  
But this was her year. Try Gryffindor. No. Ravenclaw.  
  
Narcissa Morgan.  
  
A. Ravenclaw? But Dad said she was in Slytherin. I tap her name, looking for pictures.  
  
Black and white. Dammit.  
  
Wait.  
  
She was a Seeker? An arithmancy major?  
  
Arithmancy. You need a partner to major in that. It's a team accomplishment.  
  
Go back. Not a single other Ravenclaw majored in it. Try Slytherin.  
  
No. Gryffindor.  
  
Yes. One other, dual major.  
  
I read the name again in shock.  
  
Sure enough, it's the same thing.  
  
Remus Lupin. Dual Major Arithmancy and Education, minor in DADA.  
  
I don't believe it. I close the book.  
  
Why didn't she tell me earlier? When I was asking about Lupin?  
  
Damn my curiosity. I pick it up again, tap Gryffindor.  
  
Quidditch teams. Tap for seventh year profiles only.  
  
James Potter. Seeker. Of course. Like me. Like Mum. Says here years 4- 7. Won the cup three of them. Hmm.  
  
Huh. Sirius Black. Same years, Beater. Wow.  
  
Pettigrew was team manager all seven years. Huh.  
  
Wait a minute- Years 4-7, the other Beater was Remus Lupin?  
  
He played Quidditch? He never said anything.  
  
Who else?  
  
Minerva McGonagall?! Years 5-7, Chaser. Weird!  
  
I wonder what Dad played.  
  
Tap Slytherin.  
  
Dad wasn't even on the team! Any year!  
  
But- Severus Snape, Chaser, 3-6?! Snape played sports?!  
  
This book is LYING!!!  
  
No it's not. I just don't want to believe it.  
  
I click around, looking for pictures of Mum and Lupin.  
  
One of the color ones! Yes!  
  
Little Lupin, fourth year, helping Mum set up the complex mathematics. Mum was right, he did look pretty good. Long dirty-blonde hair, still really thin, a little nervous in the pic.  
  
But Mum- The girl next to him laughed as they told jokes and solved the complex math. But that laughing girl-?- was a medium brunette, not my mother's pale white-blonde.  
  
Suddenly the two students looked up. Lupin blushed and turned away, stacking his books to hide behind. But Narcissa.  
  
One look into those gray-blue eyes and I knew it.  
  
That was my mother.  
  
But why the change?  
  
Maybe one of Mum's books'll help. I pick up the year one journal.  
  
Blank. What? I close it.  
  
Check cover again.  
  
Try again. Still blank. Mutter a few basic visibility spells.  
  
The words come up. If you can call them that.  
  
"Nnnn qqqqqqq ss ooo xxxx mm kkkk?"  
  
I close it again. Mum said they were coded. I grab the codebook.  
  
Blank! Damn you, Mum! Try "Year 2"  
  
"1011 0010110 10 010 0011 00 1101?"  
  
Dammit!  
  
"Year 3"  
  
"&~** ##^_ /= -\ %.!$ ++}{-0?"  
  
All different codes. All strange ones. Try Dad's.  
  
Basic visibility spell.  
  
Alright! Lucius C. Malfoy.  
  
"Day 1-  
  
There are Muggles here! KIIIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLLLLLLL! KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL."  
  
The whole book. With dated entries.  
  
The entire fucking book.  
  
Try Book 2. The exact same thing.  
  
Three, the same.  
  
Four.  
  
What's this?  
  
"February 9th-  
  
Yikes. Maybe I've been too hasty. I've found the most gorgeous person I've ever met- But.A Muggle born? Ew.  
  
Hmm. I could use it for sex."  
  
The rest of the book was "That's what I'll do! That's what I'll do!"  
  
Dad, you're boring.  
  
Five: "Used goods, used goods."  
  
Six: "Mine all mine mine all mine."  
  
Seven: "Wow! I want to keep this toy!" The only entry.  
  
What a loser, Dad.  
  
Owl hit my window.  
  
"Damn you." I open it. He flies on my hand. Take the letter off.  
  
Draco,  
  
It's always good to hear from old students, especially for help. I can meet you tomorrow at three o'clock. I'll see you then.  
  
Sincerely,  
  
Remus Lupin  
  
P.S. It's a bit embarrassing, but. Can I bring my dog?  
  
I write a quick reply, only drawing on the sides.  
  
Professor-  
  
Thanks! 3's fine. Bring it. Later.  
  
Draco  
  
I cover my books with my cloak and send Owl off. Good.  
  
Now I can sleep. 


	5. First Year Narcissa Morgan

Chapter 4-  
  
First Year  
  
London Wizard Underground, England  
  
Get up. Quick breakfast. Grab my bank key.  
  
"Going to London, Mum! Don't know when I'll be back!"  
  
"Have a safe trip!"  
  
Toss in some Floo powder for Knockturn Alley. When I get there I run to Grignotts.  
  
Money filling my pockets, I go to the bookstore.  
  
"Any books on advanced Code Breaking?"  
  
The assistant looks at me. "Yes, over here." Six books.  
  
"How about werewolf mating habits?"  
  
The man looks at me as if to question the request. But he finds me two books.  
  
"How about finding enchantments on items?"  
  
Three books.  
  
Aw, fuck it. "Give me the Hogwarts fifth year list with Arithmancy and Care of Magical Creatures as extras."  
  
He does. "And any advanced curses and counter curses books you got in the past two months."  
  
I hand him a small bag, which I know holds sixty galleons. He looks at me. "Are you sure?"  
  
"Completely."  
  
"All these? I mean, this is an odd list."  
  
"All of them. It's for private research."  
  
"Fifty-seven galleons."  
  
"That's a sixty bag and you know it."  
  
He double checked, ringing it up as I walked out.  
  
"Sir? Your change-?"  
  
"Keep it."  
  
Go to the potions store. Replenish my supplies.  
  
"What are the best ingredients for an invisible ink eraser?"  
  
"Erase the ink or-"  
  
"To read it."  
  
"Depends on the spells."  
  
I pull out my bag. "Here." He takes the codebook and reads.  
  
"Hmm."  
  
"What?"  
  
"This isn't invisible ink. This is Concealment."  
  
"I can see that."  
  
"No, no, that's the name of the ink. It's a triggered ink. Tap it with your wand-"  
  
"I've tried that."  
  
"-Then say the phrase."  
  
"Phrase? What phrase?"  
  
"Well, over here is a basic memory journal ink."  
  
"Memory journal?"  
  
"You write in it and the previous owner rights back their experiences and thoughts that year."  
  
"Oh?"  
  
"Watch." He grabbed a quill, inked it, and wrote, "My name is Mandris Pike."  
  
The ink erased, then formed the words, "Then this book is not for you."  
  
I snatched the pen. "Mother, it's me."  
  
"Looks like your handwriting. Prove it."  
  
Draw a few stars while thinking of what to write. "My name's Draco Malfoy- NO middle name- I fucking hate my father."  
  
"My son's personality."  
  
I draw a little dragon holding up a small person. The man is yelling "You can't kill me, I'm a rich and powerful dark wizard! No mere dragon can kill Lucius Malfoy!" while the dragon holds a salt shaker over him. Done with my work- a common sketch of mine, actually- I write next to it, "It's me, Mum."  
  
"Tell me your middle name."  
  
"Mum! I hate it!" Only Mum and Dad know it.  
  
"Draco would tell me-"  
  
"Harold. Draco Harold Lucius Amina Malfoy." Dragon with bad faith and spirit. Mother insisted on putting in Harold- She used to call me Harry until Dad got mad, said it was Potter's name, not mine, that was about my forth birthday- and Dad insisted on his name being in there too.  
  
"Hi, honey!"  
  
"Hi, Mum."  
  
"What do you need?"  
  
"The codes."  
  
"Oh? Okay, then." And 24 decrypt codes flashed up under her message.  
  
"I'll ask again later," I tell her as I close the book. I take out Year One and use the code.  
  
"Hello, my name is Draco Malfoy." This was when she was eleven, so of course she doesn't know me yet.  
  
"Hello. I'm Narcissa Morgan."  
  
Well. Now what?  
  
"How are you?"  
  
"It varies."  
  
"Are classes hard?"  
  
"No. Flying's tough, though. On a broom? But it's a lot of fun. Teacher says I'm a natural."  
  
"Wait, wait- What do you mean odd?"  
  
"Well, I'm used to the normal ways. Airplanes, hot air balloons, helicopters, hang gliders. Really big kites."  
  
"Muggle ways?"  
  
"Well, yes. After all, I am from a 'Muggle' family."  
  
"WHAT?!"  
  
"Watch."  
  
Suddenly I'm in a house.  
  
It's strange. A box in the corner is lit up, moving small colored pictures around as a young girl watches. But the pictures on the wall stayed still. There was a clock in the room, except I had never seen a clock that used numbers to tell time before.  
  
The girl watched the picture box, not noticing that I sat intrigued next to her, until the picture style changed. She got up and went to the kitchen, and I followed.  
  
She picked up a bowl and a box, went to a small lighted box, opened it, and pulled out a jug. All of these she sat on the table next to a spoon. She poured the box's contents and the milk in the jug- Aw! How cute! Milk from jugs!- into the bowl, then she started to eat.  
  
I started to look around. Dirty dishes in a little pit. How did they clean them without magic, I wonder? The odd lighting box. Did the light go out when it was closed, I wonder, or did it always stay on? So many weird things.  
  
A bell. I jumped. She is calm, however, getting up and getting the door.  
  
Was it a summoning device? She hadn't been scared or even startled.  
  
A man is outside the door, handing her a small stack of mail.  
  
Aw, how quaint! A man hands it over instead of owls!  
  
She smiles as she tears open the top one. Must be for her.  
  
Green ink. Oh, of course.  
  
She reads it carefully. "Mum! Daddy!" she yells, dropping the other letters and running upstairs.  
  
She's a Muggle born, and she just got the acceptance letter. Now it all made sense.  
  
I followed her up. "Mum, Daddy, look!"  
  
A woman rose from bed, groggy. "What is it, Narcissa?"  
  
"It's an acceptance letter!"  
  
"Hm?"  
  
"To school!"  
  
"But you're already enrolled."  
  
"Read the letter, Mum!"  
  
To humor her child, she took it and read. ".George? Come read this."  
  
"nn." Her husband was still sleeping.  
  
"Can I go, Mum, can I?"  
  
"Of course, dear, but it's all so strange."  
  
"YAY!"  
  
Then I was back. "How strange." I looked at the book.  
  
Continue writing. "So. You're full Muggle born?"  
  
"Yep."  
  
"Oh." Gulp.  
  
But I'm a PURE blood. Mum can't be a Muggle born if I have pure blood. Nothing but wizard.  
  
Right? Mum can't be a Mudblood- I can't be a.  
  
I drop the book.  
  
"You alright?"  
  
".I'm half-Muggle."  
  
"Most of us are."  
  
"No. I am. ME."  
  
Father had lied about this, too. This was it. No more lies.  
  
I didn't care anymore whether or not my old teacher was gay- the original thing I felt would pacify my boredom. Now I wanted to know the truth. The truth about myself.  
  
I was owed that.  
  
I pull out a twenty bag. "Here. Thank you."  
  
I went out. Floo grates. Fire. Good. I go to the Hogsmeade line.  
  
Toss in my powder and go. 


	6. The Three Broomsticks

Chapter 5-  
  
The Three Broomsticks  
  
Hogsmeade, England  
  
I was waiting, looking at the Gryffindor picture section. Pictures of their little gang.  
  
Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs.  
  
I just kept staring. When Lupin managed to be brave enough to stay in a picture- he must have been camera shy- he looked so familiar. Not just because I knew him when he was older. I mean, as a child, when he was fifteen like me, he looked like someone I knew. But who?  
  
Potter looked like Potter. Black actually was quite handsome, and I realized the startling change in his appearance was one reason never to go to Azkaban. Pettigrew looked a little out of place, with his decent looks compared to, as my mother had said, school picks. But he was laughing with the others- obviously he didn't care.  
  
When Lupin walked in, twenty years later and thirty-five instead of fifteen, I decided to compare them.  
  
Still kind of handsome. I'm not into guys, but he was still a good pick like Mum said. His hair was shorter, although a bit longer now than when he'd taught. It was a little gray, too, which was like two years ago but kind of strange for a man in his thirties. He was taller, of course, but probably not much. Five eleven or so. And he was still skinny. He probably didn't eat right- that added to the werewolf's metabolism would make him very thin. And he could still use better robes- they were still pretty torn up. They'd been torn up in his yearbook, too.  
  
Was he just used to having lesser quality, I wonder? Because his Hogwarts salary could have certainly gotten him at least one set or decent clothes, and two years doesn't cause clothes to be this shoddy even after constant wear. Put the book aside. Wave at him.  
  
He saw me, smiled, and walked over. He'd brought the dog, a big black one.  
  
The dog growled when it saw me.  
  
"Hush, Padfoot."  
  
"Padfoot? Is that the original, I wonder? From 'Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs'?"  
  
Both dog and man snapped up. "How did you know-?"  
  
"That is Sirius Black, isn't it?"  
  
He paled. "W-Why would I have a criminal-?"  
  
"Because he's an old friend. Because you think he's innocent. But he's not- Or maybe he is? Tell me which."  
  
Sirius- Padfoot- growled again, snapping his jaws. I held out my wand.  
  
"Tell me, or chose. Avada Kedarva or exposing him to the public?"  
  
"Let's- let's go to my house, shall we? What time are you expected back home?"  
  
"Before school. I go at my leisure during summer. Now, answer the question. Is this the real Padfoot?"  
  
He gulped. ".Yes."  
  
Padfoot looked at him. I could almost hear his whine- "Moooony."  
  
"Why do you think he's innocent?"  
  
"Can we talk at my house?"  
  
"No." I jabbed the wand closer to Padfoot.  
  
".Because. The man who killed those Muggles is still alive."  
  
"Yes. Black."  
  
"No. Not him. And that's all I can say in public."  
  
I lowered my wand. "Good enough. For now. Let's go to your place and finish this discussion. But first, one last thing." I showed him the Arithmancy picture.  
  
"Narcissa? It is! You know her?"  
  
"She's blonde. And Slytherin. This was faked."  
  
"No, not Narcissa Morgan. Ravenclaw. I should know, we were partners. The only two Arithmancy majors of our year. But I always wanted to be a teacher, so I studied education, too, and DADA. For obvious reasons I was exceptionally good at it."  
  
"Indeed." Stop scowling at me, damn you. And your dog, too.  
  
"Still. I can't believe you know Narcissa. Have you seen her recently? How's she been?"  
  
"Saw her this morning. Her husband treats her like shit, she's not allowed to love her son-"  
  
"She had children?"  
  
"Just the one. He really loves her, but his father."  
  
Lupin smiled. Glare at him. "What?"  
  
"Nothing, it's just. you say it like you're talking about your own father."  
  
"She married Lucius Malfoy."  
  
What shock value those simple words held. Lupin practically leapt out of his seat. Never before had I seen a dog so bewildered, either.  
  
"Never!" Lupin declared.  
  
Glare. "Then you tell me who carried me."  
  
"But. she hated him. and he was gay."  
  
"Oh?" And you would know this how?  
  
Padfoot growled. "Yes, he was. Not like it was uncommon- Our year was ripe with young men who were same-sex oriented. A few exceptions here and there. But most were quite willing to be with men- I'd say most of the male population of our school was at least bisexual. Slytherin. Well, not Snape. Most of the Ravenclaw guys. All the Hufflepuffs. And Gryffindor."  
  
He lowered his eyes, but Padfoot stared right at me and growled again.  
  
".Just one."  
  
Hmm? "One of four's not low."  
  
"Just. Just me," he admitted.  
  
Well. Damn.  
  
Padfoot licked his hand, and Lupin scratched behind his ears. Panting happily, Padfoot lowered his head on Lupin's leg and rubbed against him lovingly. Lupin smiled.  
  
"No, you weren't. Not really, Paddy. Never gave you the chance."  
  
Fuck. What was that about?  
  
"Narcissa and Lucius had a kid, huh? You have a lot of her in you, actually."  
  
"Good. I can't stand the other one."  
  
"Nor I."  
  
Padfoot barked, a harsh snap. "Well, that's all of us, then," Lupin joked.  
  
I laugh. Lupin's actually funny. I always kinda liked him, but a Malfoy likes no one. Despite how much I like being a Malfoy, it's the best way to avoid Dad's wraith. I hate Dad's wraith. More than I hate house elves. More than I hate Mudbloods.  
  
Like myself. Gah! It's all so confusing!  
  
Lupin's smiling again. Why?  
  
"What?"  
  
"Well, for one thing- I'm shocked Lucius and Narcissa procreated. And you're fifteen, right?"  
  
"Since March 23rd."  
  
He looked confused. With his head tilted like that, he looked very lupine. "Really? Huh. Who else was that. Aw, never mind. Still, that would mean you were conceived in July of 1980, right?"  
  
I did not need to be reminded that my parents had been together, and I told him this. He laughed, but then he grew somber and looked me in the eye.  
  
"Actually. I was his bitch back then. Until October of 1980, actually. I ran away again after that."  
  
Padfoot snarled and growled a lot. I just shuddered.  
  
"Eww."  
  
"Don't remind me. Worst five years of my life."  
  
Five years? It must have shown up on my face.  
  
"It's a long story. And I don't want to relive it. Tell you what- I'll let you read my journals. Have you seen wizard's journals?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"I can give you my Hogwarts journals, then. 1971-1978."  
  
"How about 1980?"  
  
"Fine- But not '81."  
  
"No thanks. I don't want to live through your memories of the Potters' dying. Last thing I need is moaning and bitching over the dead, who are dead forever."  
  
Padfoot tried to bite me. Down boy.  
  
"Padfoot was. Rather defensive of James and Lily. And he thought of Harry as his own."  
  
"No offense meant. It's just you can't cure the dead."  
  
"I know. But Padfoot's a bit impulsive. Always has been. He never liked logic."  
  
Pause. "Should we go get them, Mr. Malfoy?"  
  
"You can say Draco, Professor."  
  
He laughed again. He pulled on the leash, and Padfoot stood up, growling as I did the same. "Bad dog. No biscuit."  
  
He bit me, so I smacked him. Lupin was laughing hysterically now.  
  
I'd never seen him laugh so hard. Or at all before today.  
  
His smile, his laugh.  
  
Why were they so familiar? 


	7. The Ride to Moony's

Chapter 6  
  
The ride to Moony's  
  
Hogsmeade, England  
  
He led us to the woods outside of Hogsmeade. Padfoot transformed back.  
  
"Why are you trusting him?" he yelled at Lupin.  
  
"Sirius."  
  
"Well?!" Black glared at me.  
  
"I trusted his mother." Blunt, Lupin. Very blunt.  
  
"And who's his father?"  
  
Glare. "Sins of the father fall not upon mine self," I hissed at him. Black stuck out his tongue. Rather childish. I still returned it.  
  
"He's also the second highest in his year." Point, Lupin.  
  
"Snape was high, too." Counterpoint, Black.  
  
Lupin shut up. Black did too. Something needed to be said in the silence.  
  
"Look, Black, trust me or don't, I don't care. Live with it for a little while, and I'll never bother your lives again."  
  
Silence.  
  
".Actually." Black started.  
  
"Speak, Mutt."  
  
"Draco, that was uncalled for."  
  
I ignored him. "What?"  
  
"Well, it's just not very nice-"  
  
"I was talking to Black."  
  
"Professor Black."  
  
Shock. "What?"  
  
The damned mutt nodded. "Potions. Dumbledore said to after Snape went back to spy on Voldemort."  
  
Oh no. Potions with an immature ex-convict mutt?  
  
"I'll be back too." Lupin smiled.  
  
"DADA?" A nod.  
  
Don't smile back. After all, he's not one of your favorite teachers, Draco.  
  
Black hit a tree, hard. A box fell from the branches. He opened it, propping the contents gently on the ground so it didn't tip over.  
  
A Muggle toy. Cute. I was about to taunt him for playing with Muggle toys at his age when he tapped it with Lupin's wand. It grew larger.  
  
Lupin explained. "I live a good ways away. Even by air, it'll be an hour at least."  
  
I nodded. "What is this?"  
  
I looked over it, trying to figure out what the black. thing. was. It had two wheels and a double seat. And it was huge. I noticed on the side it had a small painted emblem. A moon, some stars- I recognized them as the constellation Sirius- the name Sirius written in large letters starting from the Dog Star he was named after, covered in two actual size paw prints. One canine, one lupine.  
  
Cute. Subtle. Not obvious at all what Sirius wanted from "Moony".  
  
Lupin isn't dumb. "Oh, god, Siri."  
  
"Why not? I like it."  
  
He would.  
  
"You might as well have written 'I love my Wolfie'."  
  
"Check the dashboard- 'I love Moony.' Close enough, huh?"  
  
On the fucking dashboard. Shit  
  
"No." Lupin seemed furious.  
  
"No?" Why was he disappointed?  
  
"Take it off."  
  
"Aw, Moony."  
  
"Now."  
  
He did. Or at least the words, the moon emblem, and all the stars save his own. "Better?"  
  
"I wish you'd get rid of the paws, but yes, better."  
  
This man was going to be my potions professor? Somebody kill me.  
  
"Well, are you coming or not?"  
  
I turned. Black had gotten on the thing, and it had started to growl. Lupin was holding onto Black's waist as he shared the seat with Sirius.  
  
Which left me with my own. Except.  
  
"How?"  
  
"Whaddaya mean, 'How?' We're taking the bike."  
  
What? "One of those things that keep water out of Amsterdam?"  
  
"That's a dike, Draco." Lupin corrected.  
  
"This," Black patted his toy affectionately. "Is a bike. Beautiful, isn't she?"  
  
"It's female?" I'd assumed it had no gender.  
  
Lupin sighed. "Draco, please get on."  
  
"How?" He patted the seat behind him. I sat down.  
  
"Hold on," Black ordered. Ridiculous.  
  
"To what?"  
  
"To whatever you can." The "Bike" started to hover.  
  
I looked around. "There's nothing."  
  
"Then grab Moony." Was that a hint of jealousy? Regardless, I slid my arms around Lupin's rather thin waist.  
  
He's even thinner than I am.  
  
I was a little uncomfortable being so close to an open homosexual and werewolf.  
  
"Now can we go?"  
  
"Of course, Sirius." The "Bike" started to hover. I squeezed my eyes shut, burying my face into Lupin's back, not caring that he was gay or a dark creature or anything, I just wanted to hide.  
  
Shit. He smelled familiar. That was really weird. After all, I usually don't go around sniffing my teachers.  
  
We flew out of the woods.  
  
After the initial shock, it was quite enjoyable. The wind felt good as it passed by, and the earlier growling shifted to a soft purr, almost a hum. I was calm now, but pushed against Moony's warm back, smelling that faint yet familiar scent, I felt a certain peace. Like I'd missed this from somewhere and not realized it. I refused to move, and even started to drift off.  
  
"You okay?" Black asked.  
  
"Feels good."  
  
"You'd better not be feeling up Moony." Definite jealousy.  
  
"He's holding me by the waist, Padfoot."  
  
"Well, he'd better not start feeling you up."  
  
Yawn. Felt good. Warm breeze. Soft hum. Warm pillow. Smelled like. I'm not sure.  
  
Mmm.  
  
Warm milk and cookies, please, Mum, then I'm off to bed. 


	8. Split Personalities

Chapter 7-  
  
Split Personalities  
  
Movie World  
  
Movie Remus wakes up, yawning and stretching.  
  
He looks at the clock, sees the time, and pokes his bedmate's arm to wake him.  
  
"Siri, get up." The man mumbled protests. "Siri."  
  
"Dun' wanna ge' up," was the drowsy reply.  
  
"Time for work."  
  
Sirius grumbled unintelligently. "Why?"  
  
"Well, you need work."  
  
"Fiiine." He pulled back the sheets, smiling as he saw he was nude. "Didja try to seduce me in my sleep?"  
  
"No. Sorry, Sirius, no sex."  
  
"Fuck. Why not?" Sirius reached over and grabbed a pair of pants, pulling them on.  
  
Remus smiled as he watched Sirius disentangle his hair with his hands. "Wasn't in the mood."  
  
"Then why the hell were you in my bed?"  
  
"You were drunk. Carried me here, promised me a good time, stripped and promptly fell asleep on my arm." He pinched Sirius's cheek. "So damned cute."  
  
"You could have taken advantage, y'know."  
  
"I've told you before, Sirius, I don't fuck my friends."  
  
"Even when they beg. We're soul mates, baby, can't you see that?"  
  
"You're just curious. Experimental. What's it like to be with another guy? It's not so great."  
  
"So, naturally, you only do it almost every day."  
  
"Sorry. But I don't fuck my friends. You're not gay. And we're not soul mates. You don't really even love me."  
  
Sirius looked at him solemnly. "But I do. So much it fucking hurts, Moony."  
  
"Go to work."  
  
Sirius looked hurt, as if trying to fight back tears. "Fine. Sure. Whatever." He grabbed a shirt and walked out, going outside to his bike. He mounted it, slid on the shirt, and kicked off the ground as the bike began to hover.  
  
Remus waved him off.  
  
"Now you know you hurt him there," an oh-too-familiar voice called.  
  
"He's not worth the energy it would take to fuck him."  
  
The other man came over, sighing. "Sex doesn't matter. Just knowing how he feels- Can't you at least let me tell him that, just once, I believe him?" The other man was infuriated.  
  
"You actually believe Sirius Black is your soul mate, Remus? You must be kidding! I'm your soul mate."  
  
"We merely share the same soul."  
  
"Same body, same soul. You're mine, Remus, and I'm not letting you go. Ever."  
  
"I never asked for you! But- I tried to live with you. I tried. I just wanted an hour, a fucking hour, alone with him. No physical contact, just knowing he's not alone, either. I let you abuse me, rape me, hurt me, all in exchange for an hour. When do I get it, Moony, when?"  
  
Remus- Moony- pulled the other man close, kissing him deeply. "I fucking chose you. I gave you everything, and in exchange you ran off to try and mate with him. We were supposed to make that decision together. Mates. God, of all the people, why him?"  
  
"Because I love him, Moony. You can't choose who you love. But still, you had no right to get jealous."  
  
"Huh!" Moony stared at the other half of his soul, thinking. "He is pretty, isn't he?" Moony shoved Remus down on the bed.  
  
Remus licked his lips, thinking. "Yes. Yes, oh god, yes." Moony crawled on top of him, pinning him down.  
  
"Maybe be should fuck him." Remus nodded, blushing. Moony smiled. "You want to, huh? We could give him the roll of his life, couldn't we? And."  
  
Moony leaned over, whispering the words slowly and seductively as he pulled off Remus's shirt. "He's so damned sexy."  
  
"YES!" Remus yelped, and Moony ran his hands over his chest.  
  
"Everything you want, right? Everything you've ever wanted in another person, someone you could give your heart and body over to so easily."  
  
Remus whimpered, nodding fiercely.  
  
Moony's grin grew more evil as he tugged Remus's belt. Remus reached down to help, so caught up in the pent-up desires Moony was drawing out of him to care who was with him. "You realize that whether or not we seduce him, I'll be the one he fucks." Moony slid a hand under the waistband, and Remus moaned, quickly sliding out of the pants.  
  
".I know."  
  
"He'll be my mate, not yours." Another quick kiss, then he nibbled his ear tenderly. Remus sighed his approval, and Moony continued, removing his own clothes.  
  
"I know."  
  
"That's if I keep him." He laid Remus beneath him, spread-eagled, and thrust. "You know how much I like breaking pretty things. And Sirius is very pretty."  
  
Remus started sobbing. Not because he hated what Moony was saying, not even because Moony did his best to hurt him whenever he did this.  
  
He cried because he let Moony control and take advantage of him again.  
  
"Calm down- It's only in our mind. I've told you a thousand times. I can't physically rape myself. So just pretend I'm Sirius like always and let your mind wander as I satisfy myself."  
  
Remus nodded, knowing it was useless to argue when the enemy was himself.  
  
Worse, it was the part of him in charge.  
  
The jealous part of his soul that secretly loved him the way he loved Sirius Black.  
  
And once again Remus buried himself deep inside his mind to hide as Moony raped him worse than any other lover had.  
  
At that point, Draco Malfoy snapped awake. 


	9. The Lupin Homestead

Chapter 8-  
  
The Lupin Homestead  
  
Rugby, England  
  
I woke up, startled.  
  
I had dreamed about the movie. It had been so powerfully written, even able to imprint itself in my mind. And that scene.  
  
One of the most powerful scenes in the movie.  
  
Not only was the wolf a separate creature sharing his mind and body, but it was jealous.  
  
In love- and loathing. So jealous of Remus's choice that he did everything in his power to hurt Lupin.  
  
To the point where suicide had been the only answer.  
  
But no. Wolves are clever.  
  
It took control. Hurt him more, just for being in love.  
  
And worse, he kept him alive.  
  
But worst of all, he kept him from even having a moment to tell Sirius the truth.  
  
"I like Breaking Pretty Things."  
  
It did. The wolf was evil.  
  
Probably still is. I'm not sure.  
  
Lupin's a brave guy for living with it.  
  
I wonder if I could. Probably not.  
  
Smells so good. like home. it's warm.  
  
The bike lands. I don't want to get up.  
  
Black's still jealous. When I don't get up, he grabs my shirt collar and pulls me off, tossing me aside.  
  
I wake up. Dammit.  
  
"Get off him." Black growls.  
  
"Aw, it was fine, Siri."  
  
He looked hurt. Like Lupin had just kicked a puppy. Or him. Fucking animagi. "But, Remus, I thought-"  
  
"I'm not going to shag a student."  
  
"Of course you're not!" I yelled back.  
  
Black didn't look so sure, but he went into the house anyway.  
  
It was a decent house, actually. I wonder.  
  
"Any house elves?"  
  
Lupin was aghast. "Of course not! If only I could afford-"  
  
Ah. Good news. "Fine."  
  
Lupin cleared his throat "So. How long do you plan to stay?"  
  
"Um. No longer than necessary." No house elves? FOREVER! "Couple of days. Four at most, I'd say?"  
  
"Okay. Do you still need help with that essay you asked about?"  
  
Magic bag. Pull out text books. "Definitely."  
  
He led me in.  
  
Shock. Black was lying on a afghan over the couch, sleeping. The room was neat, cozy even. Couple of armchairs, soft carpet, walls painted a deep red that made the slightly large room seem comfortably small, Black's couch, blankets and pillows over all the furniture, some nice pictures hanging on the walls.  
  
It wasn't the appearance that was shocking.  
  
The smell. The faint blood smell that lingered in the air. After that, the cozy living room took another turn. The red carpeting that was just right shade to match dried blood. The walls that matched it. The blankets and afghans that covered the furniture.  
  
What had gone on here? Don't ask.  
  
He takes me upstairs. "You can have this room. Sorry about the decorations."  
  
Sorry didn't cover it. Pink. The walls were light pastel pink. The bed sheets were pink, to match the Muggle princess style canopy bed, pink ruffles lacing the sides. Teddy bears, fluffy pillows, flower wall paper borders along the top of the walls, pictures of unicorns and kittens and the like.  
  
Shit. This was a fucking little girl's room.  
  
"No fucking way."  
  
"Well, Sirius has the other guest room." Please. The man spent twelve years in a prison cell, then two on the run. He probably felt uncomfortable in a bed.  
  
"He looks content on the couch."  
  
"He is."  
  
"Let him sleep there. I'll take the other room."  
  
Lupin's face betrayed some implacable emotion. "Okay."  
  
Nod. Smile. Walk down hall. Lupin runs back to lock the door.  
  
Opens the one I'm now in front of.  
  
This room hasn't been touched in thirty years. Oh, it's been cleaned. But nobody's slept in it for that long. You could feel it in the air. The age, the stale taste, the pain.  
  
This room was so much different from the princess's. The walls were painted a light brown, almost a cream color. The rough carpet was a darker color. The bed sheets were a color that matched the carpeting, as did the drapes. There were no pictures on the walls. The only furniture was the bed, old clothes stacked neatly in a corner next to a stack of books. This room had the complete opposite of the beautiful happy princess room.  
  
This room was depressing. Whoever lived here probably cried themselves to sleep nightly in the twin bed, trying to figure out why they didn't even rate a picture on the wall.  
  
"How could anyone live like this?" This was a room for someone hated. Someone meant to be tormented even in their dreams. Someone to be tortured. Someone unwanted.  
  
It hit me then. This room had belonged to Lupin as a child.  
  
"My parents took everything away when I got bit. They kept the bed so I wouldn't die from the original wounds, but turned it dark. As if to hide me. No toys, a few clothes. I fought hard for the books as I got older. Christmases and birthdays were horrible. Sometimes I would get a book, but usually all I got were old, torn clothing and some snacks. Being a werewolf hurts, Draco- And not just because of the transformations."  
  
It all clicked. Lupin's choice of patchy clothing- he'd been raised to think he didn't deserve better. The older and more torn, the better for him. The way he was so skinny, his parents probably hadn't fed him right as a child. Maybe he ate once or twice a week, maybe less. He probably still ate very little, and rarely, but combined with the wolf's metabolism. It would explain it.  
  
And I hated Lucius, who let those damnable elves spoil me and bought me whatever I wanted to avoid raising me when all I'd wanted was fatherly love.  
  
Cruel. But I wonder what happened to the little girl?  
  
"Make yourself at home."  
  
"Sure." Pause. ".Professor?"  
  
He turned from the door. "Yes?"  
  
"What happened to the girl?"  
  
He looked hurt. "She died. A long time ago."  
  
"Oh." Nerve. Don't pry.  
  
Lie back. He leaves. Grab a year from the magic bag. 


	10. Fifth Year Narcissa Morgan

Chapter 9-  
  
Fifth Year  
  
Rugby, England  
  
I started to write again as soon as I found the right code.  
  
"Hello, Narcissa."  
  
"Hi! Draco! I didn't expect this."  
  
Mm? Oh well.  
  
"Fifth year, huh? Anything big happen?"  
  
"Nothing new."  
  
"Tell me anyway."  
  
"What exactly do you want to know?"  
  
Hmm. I'm still not sure.  
  
"The truth."  
  
"About what?"  
  
"Life. The universe. Everything."  
  
"Forty-two."  
  
I don't understand. "Just. Tell me about school."  
  
"It's so easy! You wouldn't believe it! But I hate this prank war- Slytherin against Gryffindor. And it's only the fifth year boys- which is amazing. Eight Slytherins to four Gryffindors. Granted, the only one among them who could think up a decent trick is Snape, and he's pretty much going single-handedly against Sexy-Quidditch Captain- high score James Potter, Brilliant-brash-funny-girl-magnet Sirius Black, Quiet-kind-studious-every- girl-wants-him Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew. Snape does all the work and gets no credit other than the retaliation pranks are against all Slytherins, particularly the male populace."  
  
"So, no flattering words for Pettigrew, I see."  
  
"Well, he's just so bland compared to them. I mean, you should see the four of them! Peter's good looking in an average sort of way, but the other three. I don't know. James as this rugged athlete look, Sirius has this crazy sexy party teen style, and Remus is just exotic but in a very calm and subtle way that creeps up on you and whistles, 'Damn.' Peter just can't live up. And he's in the lower half of the school, while the others are in the top five- Hell, James is in the 97%, and Remus is in the 99%! Think about that. I just can't see Peter going far in life if he didn't have his friends to back him up."  
  
"Where are you?" I decide to ignore all the "Wow, he's a sexy beast!" comments, as it is my mother I am talking to.  
  
"99%, of course. Can't let my partner slide ahead of me. In fact, I'd say only Lily Evans and Severus Snape top us- Perfect marks on everything."  
  
"Well, shit. Me too. Only one above me, though."  
  
"Oh."  
  
"You wanna know a secret???"  
  
"What?"  
  
"I think I know who Sirius Black likes! I don't think any of the other girls figured it out yet- it's a sort of game we play, the Ravenclaw fifth year girls. We try to figure out which school pick guy- We have a list- would go good with which person, and then we try and figure out who they secretly have a crush on. We all agree James Potter is totally crushing on Lily Evans, who's actually a great match for him but she likes quiet boys- We know she thinks Remus is Gryffindor's top pick, and I agree. But this month we're doing Sirius, and I think I've got it figured out!"  
  
"Okay." Girls and their games.  
  
"Ready?"  
  
".Sure."  
  
"Sirius is head-over-heels in love with Remus Lupin! I don't know if he knows, but I certainly know nobody else suspects. Certainly not Remus, who's reassured me he's straight many times, even though sometimes I wonder. God, but who can blame him? I think I love him. What do you think, Draco?"  
  
"Huh? Oh, yeah, about Remus. Um. I think he's got problems."  
  
"Well, he's having some trouble with his current load of extra DADA and Arithmacy, and he's fully determined to be a teacher so he has to worry about his education major-"  
  
"I mean mental."  
  
"Really? Maybe."  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"At least he's so shy that the other girls are too nervous to approach him. Leaves him for me, and he's so sweet you don't care if he's psycho or gay, you just want to hug him sometimes. The other girls go for Black and Malfoy- Hot but stuck-up little sombitch."  
  
"What? Oh, wait, Lucius Malfoy."  
  
"Oh, right, that's your last name too. Are you related?"  
  
Lie. ".Maybe. I'm not sure."  
  
"Okay. Ooh, god I hate Malfoy!"  
  
"You have no idea."  
  
"Don't I?! He's a spoiled rich self-centered prat! He's definitely moonlighting guys, he has decent grades but mostly because he gets Snape to do his homework. And his racism! 'Stupid little Mudblood! Books and studying will never teach you to be a real wizard.' Every day he says that. Everyday."  
  
"Well, tomorrow say 'Good, because I'm already a real witch, and I plan on keeping this gender. By the way, I hope that operation goes well for you, Lucy.' That'll shut him up for a while."  
  
"That's good."  
  
"I'm good at insults."  
  
"You should meet Black."  
  
'I have. We don't get along."  
  
"Weird."  
  
"He doesn't believe I'm straight, keeps thinking I'm moving in on his territory. I'm sure it's unrequited."  
  
"Sad."  
  
"More like pathetic."  
  
"Oh! It's almost nine! The game's starting! Ravenclaw vs. Slytherin. I'm Seeker, you know."  
  
"I do. I hope you win."  
  
"Me too." The book closed on its own.  
  
I hope you win? What was I thinking, betting against my team?  
  
I slump down on the bed. Lupin had put his books next to me while I talked with Mum.  
  
Pick one up. Year One.  
  
I shouldn't read it. I'm already corrupted.  
  
Fuck it. 


	11. First Year Remus Lupin

Chapter 10-  
  
"My First Year at School"  
  
Rugby, England  
  
The words spring up quickly. "Hello!"  
  
"My name is Draco," I wrote.  
  
"Hi. I'm Remus." That was easy.  
  
"So." I tried to think of how start, but it talked first.  
  
"I'm at a new school!"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"I'm kinda nervous."  
  
"Of course."  
  
"After all, what if somebody finds out about him? About me, full moons the wolf."  
  
"They may. Some of them will. But they'll keep it a secret."  
  
"Oh, good. I'm still scared."  
  
"Of course you are. You'll get over it."  
  
"Hopefully. My dorm mates are great."  
  
"Sirius Black, Peter Pettigrew and James Potter?"  
  
"How did you- Aw, never mind. Yes. It's so great. They're nice guys, really funny. And if I were gay, then Whoa, SIRIUS!"  
  
He was 11. Damn they started young back then.  
  
Ironic. "You're not?"  
  
"Actually. I think I might be. Kinda. A little. I dunno. I guess it's just puberty. Too many hormones bouncing around inside me for my own good. And to top it off, I'm nervous. That might be it. My brain and my body are just getting confused."  
  
"You'll get used to it."  
  
"Really?" I thought about it. I should be more honest.  
  
"Mostly."  
  
"Oh. Darn."  
  
"Darn? I've heard seven year olds be fouler."  
  
"More foul."  
  
"Erk. Never, ever correct grammar. Do you want to lose friends?"  
  
"Why not? You were wrong."  
  
"Yes, but you don't tell me that."  
  
"I know. And I can't out loud. Too frightened."  
  
"Of what?"  
  
"People. If they knew that-"  
  
"You're a werewolf?"  
  
"And possibly a gay one, and- Never mind."  
  
"What?"  
  
"I don't even want to say it. Just. Shut up and leave me alone."  
  
The book closed on its own before I could respond.  
  
Fuck you. I'm Draco fucking Malfoy, you can't leave when I'm talking to you.  
  
I open it again. I turn to a page, and the words fly up.  
  
"Draco? Draco? I'm sorry I'm being a prat, but. I have to say this. They know. My dorm mates know I'm a werewolf. But they don't hate me! Isn't that great?"  
  
"That's good, Remus."  
  
"Yeah. Later then! Next year?" The book closed again.  
  
Hmm. The first entry had been September 1st 1971. This one was July 9th 1972.  
  
Where did that year go?  
  
Oh well. I pick up book two.  
  
"Draco! Dinner!"  
  
Read it later, then.  
  
* * *  
  
Note. Lupin can cook pretty well. I have no idea what it was, but it was untouched by elves, very good, and the mystery helped I think.  
  
"Can I have seconds?"  
  
"You'd think your family never fed you." Lupin spooned it over anyway.  
  
"They do. Too much." I start to eat again.  
  
Black laughed. "Just like Moony here. He's a little glutton, but he's so skinny. All bone!"  
  
"I am not a glutton."  
  
"You eat a lot."  
  
"At certain times of the month."  
  
Black fell silent.  
  
Lupin sipped his tea. "Did you find what you wanted yet?"  
  
"No. It seems the more pieces I get the bigger the puzzle. And it's so confusing. Not to mention you and Mum were."  
  
"What?"  
  
I sighed, trying to find a way to explain. "It was all, 'Oh, he's soo sexy! He's soo hot!' 'Does he know I like him?' 'What if they find out?' I guess self- centered is the word I want."  
  
"Oh, thanks."  
  
"But they do help. Mum talked about the Prank wars, how much she hated Dad, how she felt Sirius had a crush on you-"  
  
"She knew I like Moony?" I did not miss the present tense there.  
  
"Worse, she agreed. Anyway, it's really useful, it's just everything gets jumbled around.  
  
"Narcissa liked me?" Nod. "I thought so. We never dated or anything. And she was probably the only Ravenclaw girl I didn't shag."  
  
Hmm. Good to know. Mum didn't boff my gay teacher. Good going, Mum.  
  
"You could try asking for help." Black was serious. Oh fuck. I mean, of course Black was "Sirius", it's that at the moment he was also sincere.  
  
"You?"  
  
"No. And Remy already did."  
  
Remy? Fucking hell, what a bloody idiot you are, Sirius Black.  
  
"I mean your peers. Who's top of your class?"  
  
I wanted to spit. "Granger."  
  
"Really?! I like her. She's top? Not a Ravenclaw?"  
  
Shrug.  
  
"Well, owl her."  
  
"Right."  
  
"She'll help."  
  
Unfortunately, she would. "I don't need help from Mudbloods."  
  
"Like me? I'm half." Black scowled.  
  
Lupin was smarter. "Like your mother? And that would mean that you-"  
  
Grr. "Fine. I'll fucking write the damned bloody letter." I went upstairs to do it.  
  
It was quick with only squiggles on the margins. I sent it off, then I read more. 


	12. Moony and Remus

Chapter 12  
  
Midnight Explorations  
  
Rugby, England  
  
Something was going on. Wait until late to explore, reading one of my texts on Werewolf mating habits to keep me occupied until I hear Lupin's door lock.  
  
Grab my cloak, which never leaves my bag when not being used. Toss it on. Turn on candle.  
  
Princess room first. I slide the lock breaker over the hinges and chambers like with Dad's study. Open door.  
  
This was definitely a little girl's room. She could have been no more than eight, I suppose. Look around.  
  
Little kid drawings in a shelf. Pick them up, examine them.  
  
"Mummy" "Daddy" "Remy" "Me". Little kid house, stick figure people with brown hair, names underneath. "Remy" had little wolf ears and a tail. She drew a little heart next to each person, but "Remy's" heart was a bit larger and had next to it, "I'm sorry, big brother."  
  
Aw. She'd loved him.  
  
There were more pictures. Moony, majestic by the moon in the small woods behind the house. Mummy making cookies. Daddy reading to he at night. Remy and her playing cards.  
  
But there was something odd about the pictures.  
  
Of course. The parents would dote on the daughter, but only she noticed her brother. I saw the writing on the back of one.  
  
"I love Mummy, and I love Daddy, and they love me. I love Remy, and he loves me mostest of all. But Mummy and Daddy don't love Remy. Why? I think there afraid of him. But why? I like the wolf. It's like Remy. Pretty and proud and odd and unicke. I like the wolf as much as I like Remy, but he gets mad when I say that. He says it hurts to be a wolf, he says the wolf's why Mummy and Daddy hate him, I should never go near it, I should be scared of it. But I'm not scared. I'll never be scared of Remy. I'm proud of my big brother, and I love him very much."  
  
Kinda sad, really. The little girl didn't know about werewolves.  
  
But she felt her big brother could protect her always. She never guessed that her brother was the one who she should be concerned about.  
  
That was why Lupin didn't want to talk about it. He hadn't been able to protect her, she'd died as a child. Probably some childhood illness. It must have hurt, knowing she'd trusted him like that when no one else did, and then he let her die.  
  
Poor girl. Poor Professor.  
  
Put them back. Look around some more.  
  
Nothing. All just girl's toys.  
  
But it hits me then- They were Muggle toys. Had Professor Lupin been Muggle born too? None of the books in here were spell books or wizard fairy tales. None of the toys were enchanted. This really was a Muggle Princess room.  
  
Damn.  
  
Cozy bloodied living room now. Careful not to make noise on the stairs.  
  
Creepy in the dim candle light. Look at the carpet. There were bloodstains melded in neatly with the color. The walls had the same abuse, although they had attempted to cover it up with paint.  
  
Why? Why the blood on the carpet and walls? Look around the room for clues.  
  
Books here. Muggle lit and spell books. Very Lupin. Search more.  
  
Cards, half-finished letters, pens, quills, Muggle and Wizard stationary.  
  
A letter opener. Dried blood on the side of the blade, so old that what hadn't rubbed off looked almost painted on. Why the blood?  
  
So much blood in the cozy home.  
  
I was confused, to say the least. Lupin had always seemed pleasant. But the blood- Normal people don't surround themselves with it, then attempt to mask it with décor.  
  
Sit down, Draco. Think. Look at the pictures and think.  
  
Hmm?  
  
The pictures. Why hadn't I noticed it before?  
  
They were of a smiling family, except for Lupin. He was about six in the one I was currently looking at. His little sister on her father's lap and smiling widely. The mother was next to the father. Lupin had to sit slightly askew to them. Like he didn't really belong there with the happy smiling family. His eyes were slightly watered with tears.  
  
Look around. All were like this. In fact, Lupin wasn't even in most of them. Why would Lupin surround himself with pictures of a family that loathed him, even in family portraits?  
  
Shock. Of course. The locations.  
  
Above the couch. One picture was three inches from the top of it. Another was three feet away, a foot higher. In the middle of a wall for no reason.  
  
No one puts two pictures at such different spots on the same wall.  
  
Not unless they were hiding something. Pull one off the wall.  
  
There it was. A large gash splitting the support beam. Deep crimson was in the gash, which was actually four small gashes that ran deep.  
  
Wolf's claws.  
  
Shit. Lupin, what the hell did you do here?  
  
Put it back, check other. More bloody gashes, these with small gray fur tufts sticking out of the wood.  
  
Put picture back. Damn.  
  
Go downstairs. Basement.  
  
Pull on chain. Lights.  
  
Fucking hell.  
  
Nothing but blood. Strewn everywhere. The entire room had it painted in ribbons across the walls, floor, windows, even ceiling.  
  
Shit. Shit. Shit.  
  
Nothing but a vacant space full of blood.  
  
How could Lupin live like this?  
  
Go upstairs to check master bedroom.  
  
Hope it's not blood soaked as well. 


	13. Midnight Exploration

Chapter 12  
  
Midnight Explorations  
  
Rugby, England  
  
Something was going on. Wait until late to explore, reading one of my texts on Werewolf mating habits to keep me occupied until I hear Lupin's door lock.  
  
Grab my cloak, which never leaves my bag when not being used. Toss it on. Turn on candle.  
  
Princess room first. I slide the lock breaker over the hinges and chambers like with Dad's study. Open door.  
  
This was definitely a little girl's room. She could have been no more than eight, I suppose. Look around.  
  
Little kid drawings in a shelf. Pick them up, examine them.  
  
"Mummy" "Daddy" "Remy" "Me". Little kid house, stick figure people with brown hair, names underneath. "Remy" had little wolf ears and a tail. She drew a little heart next to each person, but "Remy's" heart was a bit larger and had next to it, "I'm sorry, big brother."  
  
Aw. She'd loved him.  
  
There were more pictures. Moony, majestic by the moon in the small woods behind the house. Mummy making cookies. Daddy reading to he at night. Remy and her playing cards.  
  
But there was something odd about the pictures.  
  
Of course. The parents would dote on the daughter, but only she noticed her brother. I saw the writing on the back of one.  
  
"I love Mummy, and I love Daddy, and they love me. I love Remy, and he loves me mostest of all. But Mummy and Daddy don't love Remy. Why? I think there afraid of him. But why? I like the wolf. It's like Remy. Pretty and proud and odd and unicke. I like the wolf as much as I like Remy, but he gets mad when I say that. He says it hurts to be a wolf, he says the wolf's why Mummy and Daddy hate him, I should never go near it, I should be scared of it. But I'm not scared. I'll never be scared of Remy. I'm proud of my big brother, and I love him very much."  
  
Kinda sad, really. The little girl didn't know about werewolves.  
  
But she felt her big brother could protect her always. She never guessed that her brother was the one who she should be concerned about.  
  
That was why Lupin didn't want to talk about it. He hadn't been able to protect her, she'd died as a child. Probably some childhood illness. It must have hurt, knowing she'd trusted him like that when no one else did, and then he let her die.  
  
Poor girl. Poor Professor.  
  
Put them back. Look around some more.  
  
Nothing. All just girl's toys.  
  
But it hits me then- They were Muggle toys. Had Professor Lupin been Muggle born too? None of the books in here were spell books or wizard fairy tales. None of the toys were enchanted. This really was a Muggle Princess room.  
  
Damn.  
  
Cozy bloodied living room now. Careful not to make noise on the stairs.  
  
Creepy in the dim candle light. Look at the carpet. There were bloodstains melded in neatly with the color. The walls had the same abuse, although they had attempted to cover it up with paint.  
  
Why? Why the blood on the carpet and walls? Look around the room for clues.  
  
Books here. Muggle lit and spell books. Very Lupin. Search more.  
  
Cards, half-finished letters, pens, quills, Muggle and Wizard stationary.  
  
A letter opener. Dried blood on the side of the blade, so old that what hadn't rubbed off looked almost painted on. Why the blood?  
  
So much blood in the cozy home.  
  
I was confused, to say the least. Lupin had always seemed pleasant. But the blood- Normal people don't surround themselves with it, then attempt to mask it with décor.  
  
Sit down, Draco. Think. Look at the pictures and think.  
  
Hmm?  
  
The pictures. Why hadn't I noticed it before?  
  
They were of a smiling family, except for Lupin. He was about six in the one I was currently looking at. His little sister on her father's lap and smiling widely. The mother was next to the father. Lupin had to sit slightly askew to them. Like he didn't really belong there with the happy smiling family. His eyes were slightly watered with tears.  
  
Look around. All were like this. In fact, Lupin wasn't even in most of them. Why would Lupin surround himself with pictures of a family that loathed him, even in family portraits?  
  
Shock. Of course. The locations.  
  
Above the couch. One picture was three inches from the top of it. Another was three feet away, a foot higher. In the middle of a wall for no reason.  
  
No one puts two pictures at such different spots on the same wall.  
  
Not unless they were hiding something. Pull one off the wall.  
  
There it was. A large gash splitting the support beam. Deep crimson was in the gash, which was actually four small gashes that ran deep.  
  
Wolf's claws.  
  
Shit. Lupin, what the hell did you do here?  
  
Put it back, check other. More bloody gashes, these with small gray fur tufts sticking out of the wood.  
  
Put picture back. Damn.  
  
Go downstairs. Basement.  
  
Pull on chain. Lights.  
  
Fucking hell.  
  
Nothing but blood. Strewn everywhere. The entire room had it painted in ribbons across the walls, floor, windows, even ceiling.  
  
Shit. Shit. Shit.  
  
Nothing but a vacant space full of blood.  
  
How could Lupin live like this?  
  
Go upstairs to check master bedroom.  
  
Hope it's not blood soaked as well. 


	14. Moony and Sirius

Chapter 13  
  
Moony and Sirius  
  
Rugby, England  
  
Break the locks, open the door silently.  
  
Holy shit.  
  
Take back my earlier comment about Black and Lupin.  
  
Black was lying facedown on the bed, face tilted towards the door. He was handcuffed to the top posts, spread eagled and pushed as far down as he could be against the bed. His back, shoulders and upper arms were cut heavily by a knife next to the bed.  
  
Yet I never saw anyone more blissful. His face showed nothing but rapture as he lay there, confined and wounded. He was biting his lip, almost as if he were afraid to scream, but his eyes were closed tightly, tears streaming down as he blushed.  
  
Lupin was a different sight entirely. He was the top, and he made no moves to be gentle about it. He kept his hands on the bedposts, careful not to touch Black. His expression held so much loathing and need. Almost as if he did this only to get out the urges until he found someone else, even if Black seemed more than willing to give him the universe, much less his body. If Black's expression was the most eager to please and blissful I'd ever seen, then Lupin's was the most disgusted and spiteful.  
  
It wasn't fair. Even for Sirius Black.  
  
Black moaned softly, more of a whimper in pain than passion. Lupin snarled.  
  
"S-sorry," he mumbled, but as soon as he tried to close his mouth again he let out a pleasured wail that seemed impossible from the torturous position he'd been put in. Again, Lupin snarled, more angry this time.  
  
Alright, so maybe Black got off on pain. But something told me that wasn't it.  
  
"Moony!" he groaned, and Lupin grabbed the knife again, slashing his arm.  
  
"How many times have I told you to stay silent?"  
  
"I'm- I'm sorry, Remus, you just feel so good I can't-"  
  
"Stop calling me that!" He slashed again, deeper this time, and this time there was no doubt that the wound hurt and Sirius Black did not like being hurt like this.  
  
Probably not. Not after being imprisoned. But why did he let Moony do it then?  
  
Because that was Moony on top, not Remus Lupin.  
  
Moony who hated Black, not Lupin who'd never even dream of confining him, much less cutting him for expressing pleasure with his lover.  
  
If one could call Moony that.  
  
"I like breaking pretty things."  
  
This was beyond broken. No one deserved to be played with like this, not when they were so obviously in love with the one harming them. If Black knew what was going on as well as I did, I'm sure he'd rather be in Azkaban again.  
  
Because it was obvious when Black spoke that he'd thought this was real. It was obvious on his face that he felt Moony loved him back as much as he loved him.  
  
But if he felt that way, then he'd never researched werewolf mating habits.  
  
The wolf is a naturally dominating creature, but it is submissive to its primal instincts. Feed. Hunt. Mate. As long as it can accomplish these feats, it won't care how it's appetites are satisfied.  
  
But the host.  
  
If it is a Male wolf with a female partner, it will be slightly submissive but somewhat dominating, wolf wanting only to pass seed and man wanting only to be loved. Female on male is the same, except she wants nothing more than to bear children. Male/male or Female/female is another story entirely. In this case, the wolf will not be allowed to breed, but will instead give in to much heavier, more frequent sexual desires. The wolf just wants to be sated, and always takes the submissive role. This is because the wolf feels that if it were able it would be the mother, the female role, and the man/woman is used to being dominated by the wolf. In short.  
  
If Moony loved Black, he would be the one tied to the bed while Black took top.  
  
There was love in this room, alright, but like I'd told my mother, it was indeed unrequited.  
  
And for some odd reason as I watched Lupin pull out of Black and leave the room while Black begged him to come back with an expression filled with hopeless dreams, I felt my own heart break.  
  
But I didn't leave as I watched Black sob into his pillow, crying out for the wolf- man who'd walked away without a backwards glance. 


	15. Shatter

Chapter 14  
  
Shatter  
  
Rugby, England  
  
  
  
I bit my lip, trembling. Pull off the cloak.  
  
"You- you really would treat him right. It's a shame he doesn't see that."  
  
Black's eyes grew wide, and he lifted his head to look at me. He seemed a bit humiliated at first, but once my words sank in he nodded.  
  
"You love him."  
  
"Yes. So damned much."  
  
"He doesn't love you."  
  
"I-I know. But still, I- Just to be near him, you don't understand, he and I, we belong- This is so right, yet so wrong, so very wrong."  
  
Put a hand on his shoulder. Let him cry.  
  
"Anything for him," he sobbed. "No matter what, just to know I've done something for him. He feels so good, Draco, even though it hurts so much it feels good because it's him and it's worth all the pain just knowing that. Even if he won't let me touch him back or watch him. It's worth it."  
  
"Even though he'll probably toss you away as soon as he finds another lover?"  
  
Black's eyes grew cold. "But we're mates, he couldn't- They mate for life-"  
  
"You two are not mates. You're something he fucks to get the aggression out."  
  
Betrayal flooded those blue eyes. "He would never- Not to me, we're too close, we've always been friends. And he knows what I'd do, how much that would hurt me. Moony's always been so kind and compassionate. If we're not mates, it's because he doesn't really love me but is willing to be with me just so I can be satisfied. Moony knows how I feel about him. Moony would go out of his way to make me feel better, never hurt me in any way, even if his lusts are a bit twisted."  
  
"Idiot! Moony doesn't give a shit about you! He'd love nothing more than to rip your still-beating heart out as you fall for his little trick! He does this to hurt you, Sirius, he does this because he knows you care and that you saved yourself for him, and that even Azkaban couldn't erase how deeply you felt for him.  
  
"He does this because he hates you, he's always hated you, and you trust him so much that you'll let him rip your soul in pieces just so he can see if it would make a pretty noise when it shattered. When all those dreams and desires and hopes for the future you'd wanted him to share with him broke apart, would it make a pretty sound? Would it be a pretty color? Or would those beautiful dreams you told him about so lovingly as you planned your life around the boy be even more beautiful when broken merely because it was a pretty thing that now lies in ruins at your feet?  
  
"And he'll break you, not just your body likes he's been doing, or your heart, but your very soul, and he'll toss it back in pieces and laugh as you sob hopelessly at his feet and beg him to tell him why, beg him to hold just one last time, to smile, to hold him, to anything, just be with you for another minute. And he'll just laugh, and wonder why he never did this when you were whole, before you were sentenced to Azkaban where you had to live with the thought that he hated you every day. How does it feel to know your worst fear was right?  
  
"Personally, I'd take the dementors any day over the pain Moony longs to give you."  
  
Black transformed to slide out of the handcuffs, then he changed back and grabbed me by my shoulders.  
  
"Don't you ever say that about Moony! Moony is everything that's good and kind and perfect about the world! Moony is my love, my life, my very soul, and if he ever left me for someone else, I would be happy for him, because it's not like I'm worthy of him. That's why I never told him how I felt at school, Draco- Because he could have done better, even if we were soul mates, even if it tore me up inside to watch him sleep with so many other people and deny every advance I made, even if he told me a thousand times that I was too close to him for a sexual relationship.  
  
"And then, after Azkaban, I was so fucking scared. Scared he'd found someone else, that he'd never even think of being with me. I just want to be with him as long as I can, however I can, Draco. Anyway I can, even like this. But don't ever say he'd hurt me. He doesn't have a malicious bone in his body, and even if he does shatter me, he would never do it on purpose."  
  
"He doesn't love you."  
  
"I know. I know that. But we belong together- We really are soul mates."  
  
"If he were to hurt you, he'd take a piece of himself with him. Every time you cry his heart breaks, and the wolf takes over a little more. But you're so fucking selfish- Just trying to hold on to him as long as you can, not even able to see what it does to his own soul."  
  
"I am selfish. But what am I supposed to do, deny myself of the one thing I longed for, ever? I've never wanted anything, Draco, not a damned thing, except to be near him in any way. You may never understand it. Somewhere out there, there's someone meant just for you, and that someone might not want you, but you'll know in your heart that there's no one else. Once you meet that person, you have no choice, you're stuck. And you don't want to change a thing. That's how I feel every time I look at him, Draco."  
  
"I can't believe you. You actually think you have a chance?"  
  
"No. But I think that maybe I deserve something fair for once. Eleven years of childhood spent being mocked by Muggle kids for being a freak and wizard kids for being a mudblood, the next ten years with the most wonderful person I could ever dream of, someone who didn't reject my friendship but rejected my love, at first 'cause I was male then 'cause I was his friend and then 'cause I just wasn't good enough, then I was sent to Azkaban for twelve years while everything that had been good in my life- my friendships, my future, my chances with Remus, my ability to be with Harry- was taken away.  
  
"I don't care if it comes back to bite me in the ass, Draco, not when can I have a few fleeting moments of happiness."  
  
I was crying. "But he loves you so much."  
  
Black turned to me, surprised.  
  
"Remus. That's why he's like this, because he's had it worse than you- But he loves you so much, Moony just won't let him."  
  
Black's eyes grew cold. "What kind of trick is this? He loves me, he hates me, he wants to hurt me, but he only wants to because his life sucks? I should have known better than to pour my heart out to a Malfoy. You've been talking about how much he wants to hurt me, now you say he loves me when I admit I don't care if he does- You just want to torment me. After all, you had everything you wanted as a kid, will probably have the perfect family, loads of money, everyone will love you. But it's fun to hurt your lessers."  
  
"No, Sirius, I can't stand to see the two of you together like that, not-"  
  
"Go away! If you don't want to see it then go! Because I'm going to hold on to this as long as I can, Draco, and nothing you can say will stop me!"  
  
"I guess that's what you want. But tell me the truth, Black- If Remus left you shattered, would you commit suicide?"  
  
".Yes. I don't want to live alone, I don't want him to be away from me. I would."  
  
"Would you kill him?"  
  
"Never."  
  
"Then you do hate him."  
  
"What?"  
  
I couldn't talk to him anymore. It was too depressing. But Sirius grabbed my arm and pulled me back.  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"I mean he would sooner die himself than know you died. And I mean he told me himself that all he really wants, that if you loved him at all, you would kill the wolf- and him along with it. Because he loves you, he wants to be with you until his dying breath, and he wants to be free- And he wants you to give him that freedom, because you're the only one who really can."  
  
Shrug him off.  
  
Get the fuck out of here.  
  
Not the best expression to use when that's what they'd been doing when I'd walked in. 


	16. The Puzzle Deepens

Chapter 15  
  
The puzzle deepens  
  
London, England  
  
Rise from bed. Go to eat breakfast.  
  
Oh, yeah, Lupin's a good cook.  
  
Except he's not happy when I get down there.  
  
"What did you tell him, Draco?"  
  
Where the hell are my fucking eggs?  
  
"Draco."  
  
"Where are my eggs?"  
  
"Make them yourself!"  
  
Shrug. "Where are they?"  
  
"What did you tell Siri?" A term of endearment. Aha. "Remus?" A nod.  
  
"I told him that you loved him, and that Moony didn't. I told him he was wasting his time with you, and that if he cared at all he'd kill you. Why?"  
  
Lupin bit his lip, trembling softly. "Because he's gone, Draco. And he left this-"  
  
A note.  
  
Remy-  
  
Draco's right. It's not worth the pain. I just wanted you to know I meant it all those years ago when I claimed to love you. I just wanted to be loved back, even if it was just physical, even if it was just temporary.  
  
But he's right- it's not worth it. Because every time you walk away, your needs satisfied but mine just barely aroused, you hurt me. Every time I smile and you turn away, it hurts. Every time I show you some slight affection and you snap at me for it, every time the passion inside me gets to be too much and I beg you to just love me back, I hurt because you deny me every little thing I ever wanted.  
  
And he's right- I'd rather just let the dementors take my soul than watch you rip it some more.  
  
He said you like breaking pretty things. I don't think anything was more beautiful then what we could have been.  
  
I wish you happiness, Remy- Maybe someday you'll finally find peace with the wolf, maybe even a mate that you can love back. God knows you of all people deserve to be loved. So brave, so kind, so loving.God, you are so perfect. I want to be like you, be with you. But no, it's not that easy. Maybe I was wrong, maybe I was just hoping. I don't think we really are soul mates, Remy- because as much as I needed you, as much as you completed me, it seems more like I was just so jealous of your own perfection that I felt if I couldn't be that way I wanted to at least be with someone who was. Maybe I never really loved you after all. I'm just so sick of everything gong wrong. How much different would it be if we'd never met? Would I be with someone who cared about me in the least? Would you? Would I finally be able to have the peace I so want you to have?  
  
I think life owes me that much.  
  
Even if that peace will never come while I'm alive.  
  
I wish you the best, and thank you for the companionship you've given me, both as my friend all those years ago and as my lover the past few weeks. It has been worth so much to me, and I don't even know if you could know how much.  
  
Sirius  
  
"But.?"  
  
"He's gone, Draco. And I'm scared."  
  
No need to say why. Not with Remus. Not when he had loved Sirius. Not when he now felt that after all those years of being forced to let Sirius believe his love was unrequited he might have been the one with no hope at a relationship.  
  
Not when now he was really alone. All of his friends were dead to him now, or worse. And he would be forced to live his life alone, with a creature that had hurt him in so many ways, knowing that he had just killed the one thing that would have given him a way out.  
  
"Draco?"  
  
Stop musing. "Yes?"  
  
"What did he mean by lover? Did Moony and he-"  
  
Nod. Remus buried his face in his arms, sobbing uncontrollably.  
  
"I hate you! I hate you I hate you IhateyouIhateyouhateyouhateyou Moony! Now you've done everything. Now you've ruined everything."  
  
Just like with my mother, I hug him, letting him cry on my shoulder.  
  
"I-I never got the chance- God, if I could tell him now, Draco."  
  
"He was your mate. You loved him."  
  
"He's so selfish, Draco, he hurts me to get his own way, and now he's hurt Siri because he's jealous. I hate him so much. God, why me? Why me?"  
  
Let the tears fall, then go. Owl had come in earlier that morning with a message from Granger to meet her at the bookstore in the London Underground.  
  
But why did it hurt so much to see Lupin cry?  
  
Why?  
  
* * *  
  
Granger was there. Frizzy haired, Mudblood Granger.  
  
Mudblood. Why did I still use that as a curse?  
  
Anger at myself, perhaps.  
  
"Well, Malfoy, can you tell me why I had to come here during my summer vacation?"  
  
"Funny, Granger, I was starting to think you lived in this bookstore." Jab with head to point it out.  
  
"Better in the bookstore then in the broomstick store. At least there I can learn- as I recall you are still in a lower percentile than I am."  
  
"I won't scoff at my ranking. And if you promise not to, I promise not to mock your ridiculous hair."  
  
Granger grew a bit red.  
  
"The truth of it is, I called you because you're in a higher percentile. Even if it is one percent. You're the top student at Hogwarts, and I'm the second. Between that, I think I can figure this out."  
  
"I refuse to help you with your homework. I don't even help my friends."  
  
"Sorry to disappoint, but Professor Lupin helped me finish my last essay yesterday. I'd intended on writing about griffins, but how often can you write a report on werewolves with a werewolf to help talk you through it, and even better, be the person you turn it into?"  
  
"Professor Lupin is coming back?"  
  
"Yes- And we'll have a new Potions teacher as well, if he doesn't kill himself first."  
  
Granger looked confused. Laugh.  
  
"This has nothing to do with school work. I need to know about something."  
  
"What?" She had her damned know-it-all air about her. Oh the things I could say.  
  
"What connection Professor Remus J. Lupin had to my mother, my father, Lord Voldemort and the deaths of Mister and Missus James and Lily Potter. I need to know exactly why Sirius Black spent twelve years in Azkaban. I need to know how it all ties back to me, because it does. But most importantly, I want to know how a Muggle movie writer knew so much about these things that even most of the Wizarding world didn't know."  
  
"Oh?" This last bit must have really intrigued her. I could see the question- "How would you know what a Muggle movie writer knows? Have you seen a Muggle movie?"- but she asked another, just as obvious question.  
  
"Like what?"  
  
"Professor Lupin was-is- gay. And Sirius Black has been wanting him for some time. At first I disbelieved this, thinking it was part of the movie, but then."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Well, ever walk in on your parents?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Me neither, but I doubt it'd have been like they did."  
  
Granger looked shocked, but stayed true to her know-it-all form, "I should certainly hope not!"  
  
"There you have it. Reason one."  
  
"Sirius and Professor Lupin? I don't believe it at all."  
  
"Don't tell me- You had a crush yourself. Half the school did- Now I know why he rejected all of Pansy's love letters."  
  
"But- It's absurd."  
  
Pull out book two. Write in it to tell Remus it's me again, ask him how he feels about Sirius Black. Show Granger the book.  
  
"God! I love him so much, Draco, it's hard to sleep at night knowing he's one bunk over, and that I could climb in there and show him just how much he means. He's absolutely beautiful, and he's really a great guy and he's a lot of fun. Like I've said before, I never would have dreamed of myself with another male before I meant this one, but the very second I did there could be no one else."  
  
Granger handed it back. "Great prank, Malfoy. May I go home?"  
  
"I have a better idea, Granger. How about I take you to a movie?"  
  
She was startled to say the least. "It's not like you can get a date from anyone else- Except for maybe Weasley, but I don't think he can afford two movies tickets."  
  
Scowl. Scowl back.  
  
"Still, you can't believe this is a date. I need you to see this movie to understand why I'm so desperate for help." Take her hand. "Help me, please- You're the only one who can."  
  
She nodded. We go. 


	17. MWPP and L

Chapter 15  
  
The puzzle deepens  
  
London, England  
  
Rise from bed. Go to eat breakfast.  
  
Oh, yeah, Lupin's a good cook.  
  
Except he's not happy when I get down there.  
  
"What did you tell him, Draco?"  
  
Where the hell are my fucking eggs?  
  
"Draco."  
  
"Where are my eggs?"  
  
"Make them yourself!"  
  
Shrug. "Where are they?"  
  
"What did you tell Siri?" A term of endearment. Aha. "Remus?" A nod.  
  
"I told him that you loved him, and that Moony didn't. I told him he was wasting his time with you, and that if he cared at all he'd kill you. Why?"  
  
Lupin bit his lip, trembling softly. "Because he's gone, Draco. And he left this-"  
  
A note.  
  
Remy-  
  
Draco's right. It's not worth the pain. I just wanted you to know I meant it all those years ago when I claimed to love you. I just wanted to be loved back, even if it was just physical, even if it was just temporary.  
  
But he's right- it's not worth it. Because every time you walk away, your needs satisfied but mine just barely aroused, you hurt me. Every time I smile and you turn away, it hurts. Every time I show you some slight affection and you snap at me for it, every time the passion inside me gets to be too much and I beg you to just love me back, I hurt because you deny me every little thing I ever wanted.  
  
And he's right- I'd rather just let the dementors take my soul than watch you rip it some more.  
  
He said you like breaking pretty things. I don't think anything was more beautiful then what we could have been.  
  
I wish you happiness, Remy- Maybe someday you'll finally find peace with the wolf, maybe even a mate that you can love back. God knows you of all people deserve to be loved. So brave, so kind, so loving.God, you are so perfect. I want to be like you, be with you. But no, it's not that easy. Maybe I was wrong, maybe I was just hoping. I don't think we really are soul mates, Remy- because as much as I needed you, as much as you completed me, it seems more like I was just so jealous of your own perfection that I felt if I couldn't be that way I wanted to at least be with someone who was. Maybe I never really loved you after all. I'm just so sick of everything gong wrong. How much different would it be if we'd never met? Would I be with someone who cared about me in the least? Would you? Would I finally be able to have the peace I so want you to have?  
  
I think life owes me that much.  
  
Even if that peace will never come while I'm alive.  
  
I wish you the best, and thank you for the companionship you've given me, both as my friend all those years ago and as my lover the past few weeks. It has been worth so much to me, and I don't even know if you could know how much.  
  
Sirius  
  
"But.?"  
  
"He's gone, Draco. And I'm scared."  
  
No need to say why. Not with Remus. Not when he had loved Sirius. Not when he now felt that after all those years of being forced to let Sirius believe his love was unrequited he might have been the one with no hope at a relationship.  
  
Not when now he was really alone. All of his friends were dead to him now, or worse. And he would be forced to live his life alone, with a creature that had hurt him in so many ways, knowing that he had just killed the one thing that would have given him a way out.  
  
"Draco?"  
  
Stop musing. "Yes?"  
  
"What did he mean by lover? Did Moony and he-"  
  
Nod. Remus buried his face in his arms, sobbing uncontrollably.  
  
"I hate you! I hate you I hate you IhateyouIhateyouhateyouhateyou Moony! Now you've done everything. Now you've ruined everything."  
  
Just like with my mother, I hug him, letting him cry on my shoulder.  
  
"I-I never got the chance- God, if I could tell him now, Draco."  
  
"He was your mate. You loved him."  
  
"He's so selfish, Draco, he hurts me to get his own way, and now he's hurt Siri because he's jealous. I hate him so much. God, why me? Why me?"  
  
Let the tears fall, then go. Owl had come in earlier that morning with a message from Granger to meet her at the bookstore in the London Underground.  
  
But why did it hurt so much to see Lupin cry?  
  
Why?  
  
* * *  
  
Granger was there. Frizzy haired, Mudblood Granger.  
  
Mudblood. Why did I still use that as a curse?  
  
Anger at myself, perhaps.  
  
"Well, Malfoy, can you tell me why I had to come here during my summer vacation?"  
  
"Funny, Granger, I was starting to think you lived in this bookstore." Jab with head to point it out.  
  
"Better in the bookstore then in the broomstick store. At least there I can learn- as I recall you are still in a lower percentile than I am."  
  
"I won't scoff at my ranking. And if you promise not to, I promise not to mock your ridiculous hair."  
  
Granger grew a bit red.  
  
"The truth of it is, I called you because you're in a higher percentile. Even if it is one percent. You're the top student at Hogwarts, and I'm the second. Between that, I think I can figure this out."  
  
"I refuse to help you with your homework. I don't even help my friends."  
  
"Sorry to disappoint, but Professor Lupin helped me finish my last essay yesterday. I'd intended on writing about griffins, but how often can you write a report on werewolves with a werewolf to help talk you through it, and even better, be the person you turn it into?"  
  
"Professor Lupin is coming back?"  
  
"Yes- And we'll have a new Potions teacher as well, if he doesn't kill himself first."  
  
Granger looked confused. Laugh.  
  
"This has nothing to do with school work. I need to know about something."  
  
"What?" She had her damned know-it-all air about her. Oh the things I could say.  
  
"What connection Professor Remus J. Lupin had to my mother, my father, Lord Voldemort and the deaths of Mister and Missus James and Lily Potter. I need to know exactly why Sirius Black spent twelve years in Azkaban. I need to know how it all ties back to me, because it does. But most importantly, I want to know how a Muggle movie writer knew so much about these things that even most of the Wizarding world didn't know."  
  
"Oh?" This last bit must have really intrigued her. I could see the question- "How would you know what a Muggle movie writer knows? Have you seen a Muggle movie?"- but she asked another, just as obvious question.  
  
"Like what?"  
  
"Professor Lupin was-is- gay. And Sirius Black has been wanting him for some time. At first I disbelieved this, thinking it was part of the movie, but then."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Well, ever walk in on your parents?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Me neither, but I doubt it'd have been like they did."  
  
Granger looked shocked, but stayed true to her know-it-all form, "I should certainly hope not!"  
  
"There you have it. Reason one."  
  
"Sirius and Professor Lupin? I don't believe it at all."  
  
"Don't tell me- You had a crush yourself. Half the school did- Now I know why he rejected all of Pansy's love letters."  
  
"But- It's absurd."  
  
Pull out book two. Write in it to tell Remus it's me again, ask him how he feels about Sirius Black. Show Granger the book.  
  
"God! I love him so much, Draco, it's hard to sleep at night knowing he's one bunk over, and that I could climb in there and show him just how much he means. He's absolutely beautiful, and he's really a great guy and he's a lot of fun. Like I've said before, I never would have dreamed of myself with another male before I meant this one, but the very second I did there could be no one else."  
  
Granger handed it back. "Great prank, Malfoy. May I go home?"  
  
"I have a better idea, Granger. How about I take you to a movie?"  
  
She was startled to say the least. "It's not like you can get a date from anyone else- Except for maybe Weasley, but I don't think he can afford two movies tickets."  
  
Scowl. Scowl back.  
  
"Still, you can't believe this is a date. I need you to see this movie to understand why I'm so desperate for help." Take her hand. "Help me, please- You're the only one who can."  
  
She nodded. We go. 


	18. Partners

Chapter 17  
  
Partnership  
  
London, England  
  
Granger came with me as we left. Shock.  
  
"What's the matter, Granger?"  
  
"It's just- I never read that about werewolves in any of my research."  
  
"Because it's rare that the host becomes a wolf before puberty. When they do it's an even larger symbiotic relationship."  
  
"But still."  
  
"You haven't read every last book on the subject, Granger. And as wonderful as researching may be, in my experience it's far better to touch and meet it head and hands on. I like to experience, not read about how others experience. Oh, sure, research is necessary, but I'd rather be proving it. I like to attempt. I like to follow through on my own knowledge. I like to, on occasion, miss. You never miss when you hide behind books."  
  
"Which is why I have perfect scores."  
  
"Which is why you'll never understand Sirius Black or Remus Lupin. They both were hands-on. Look at Black's personality to prove it, and don't tell me you don't remember Lupin's DADA. Everyday he'd bring in an animal, because just discussing it wasn't enough. I wonder what he would have done when he got to werewolves. Admit his secret, I wonder?"  
  
"But you need to study as well."  
  
"Which is why even though he was amazing at Arithmancy, even though he majored in it, he kept it as a back up. He was going into education no matter what. Like me, he could study quite well, it's just studying is different. It's like Quidditch, you can be a Chaser- Follow the ball, follow the course no matter what, keep pushing it in certain ways. Or you could be a Seeker, and chase the little ball until you've grasped it no matter the methods you use, whether by following it or following others or even just wining it and getting it. Or you can be a Beater- Wing it all the way, focus on nothing but one of many other targets, not caring which you hit or even if you hit one as long as you swing. Just get it out. I'm a Seeker. You're a Chaser. But even though I can be a Seeker by nature, which is the position I tried out for when I tried out for the team, I was actually a Beater on all my previous teams. So by nature I may be a Seeker, but by action I'm a Beater. And this means I can understand them better. Yet I need that Chaser, the one who pieces together facts and not impulses. These hunches have gotten me to a decent area, but I still get confused so easily."  
  
"But why, Malfoy?"  
  
"It just- it's like it was something part of me knew when I walked into that theatre the first time I went, and when I realized what it was it hid itself. And now I learn that I have been lied to my whole life. But I won't tell you how unless you agree to help, because I don't want to show you my mother's journals without a legitimate reason."  
  
"You were lied to because your father didn't want to admit he was into men."  
  
"No. He lied about my mother. And if I could show you, then I would."  
  
Granger sighed. "I'll help. I admit, I was intrigued too. But you have to agree not to make fun of my ethnicity."  
  
"Hermione. First thing I should admit. My mother was Muggle born. I'm a Mudblood too."  
  
Shock. Go ahead, Granger. Laugh. At poor stupid Mudblood Malfoy.  
  
Pity in her eyes. "Oh, Draco.! I know how proud you were of your heritage."  
  
"Well, I'm still proud."  
  
Confusion. Oh, what a beautiful sight indeed, Granger being confused by me.  
  
Smile. "I hate my father. It was my mother whose heritage I loved. And she was Muggle born. Besides, it's been educational. I'm this powerful, and I'm a Mudblood. That means I've been giving them-us- too little credit."  
  
Granger smiled. "Thank you."  
  
Shrug. "Well, I can't help what I am. I'm still a wizard, and one of the greatest of our year."  
  
"Yes, but maybe now you realize that so am I."  
  
"Touché."  
  
"I never thought I'd see this day. I'm fairly impressed with your attitude."  
  
Smile. Glad I could surprise.  
  
"I'm fifteen. The age of self-discovery and soul-searching."  
  
"And I sincerely hope you find yours."  
  
"Hey!"  
  
She ignored me. "May I read some of the journals?"  
  
"Sure." Hand her Mum's Year 1. "How's this one to start? You're a girl, you might be able to connect better, and I can take Lupin."  
  
She begins to use her quill and write to Mum. Pull out Lupin year 2.  
  
Papers fall out. Damn it all.  
  
Start to reorganize when Granger picks up the letter from Lupin.  
  
"What's this?"  
  
"It's a letter."  
  
"I meant, look at it."  
  
"Lupin's hand writing."  
  
"But look. This one's yours right?" She points at another.  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Well, see how you drew this picture? Almost as if you have to draw whenever you write?"  
  
"It helps me put the words into place. It's weird, but it's something I've always had to do."  
  
"Professor Lupin used to have sketches on his chalkboard, remember?"  
  
"Well, he talked about animals."  
  
"But they were always there! And then- Look at this letter."  
  
I saw it then. I hadn't noticed it before because I'm so used to seeing sketches from my own writing that I never notice other people's, but Lupin had drawn a picture of Padfoot after where he'd asked if he could bring him, and little pictures of woodlands along the sides.  
  
"Holy shit."  
  
"Yes. And if you look closely, the pen strokes match yours. You're both very talented. I assume it's because you have to do it so often."  
  
Nod. Amazing, it looks just like how I draw except after a lot more practice.  
  
"I asked him once why he drew all over the board. He laughed, said the only other people who'd ever noticed were McGonagall, James Potter and Sirius Black. Except he didn't say Sirius, he said 'Si-' then stopped, but I was able to piece it together later. Anyway, he then said that it was to help him concentrate while writing. He would have a good idea of what he wanted to say, but he couldn't quite put it down without something to help him focus. So he would draw little irrelevant sketches, and he become quite good at written communication. He always got away with it on essays because the teachers never noticed, but they did notice he would turn in more than the other Gryffindors."  
  
"So he did just like me. Huh. I thought I was the only one."  
  
"It's not very common. In fact, I doubt it's very probable both you and Lupin would have the same attention deficiency, but something tells me there's a hidden factor in this."  
  
"Oh?"  
  
"Yes. And I think I need to find out what it is."  
  
Well. Now Granger's interest was really piqued. Look at Lupin's sketches again.  
  
Damn, they really did look like mine.  
  
Even the handwriting. 


	19. Sirius and Narcissa

Chapter 18  
  
Sirius and Narcissa  
  
London, England  
  
Put away the letter. Return to mess on the ground. Granger is reading Mum's diary. Wonder what she thinks so far.  
  
Hmm?  
  
A new book, buried under the pile. Thick. Pick it up. Open it up.  
  
No concealments. No spells. Just a basic handwritten Muggle journal.  
  
Sirius Black's. Starting on his tenth birthday.  
  
Aha. I see. He was half-Muggle, so he had written in it Muggle-style, but the book itself magically expanded. Flip to the last page, written yesterday. This journal had seen a lot. And it had never meant to be seen by anyone else, too, that much was obvious.  
  
Why did he leave it with me? Start to read it.  
  
Don't get passed one paragraph when Granger gasps.  
  
"What?"  
  
She looks at me. "She was there, Malfoy!"  
  
Ye gods. "Where?"  
  
"At the- when they- You-know-who."  
  
"She never served him."  
  
"No, but she. Look!"  
  
She handed me the book. It was open to a page in mid-January.  
  
Well. There you had it.  
  
"Mum."  
  
"She was there!"  
  
"Yes. But why was-" I read it again. It was short because Mum hadn't felt it was too important.  
  
Mum was there when Voldemort called his Death Eaters. She hid, and she watched, and she only trusted Snape since, because Snape had refused to go in the first place.  
  
They were all called in the middle of the night. Voldemort had said this was one of the finest years of Slytherins he had ever seen, and he called them to him on the promise of power and prestige.  
  
So they had left. Almost all of them willingly, but they took a screaming and yelling Snape with them so he wouldn't tell Dumbledore.  
  
They came back a week later.  
  
And Mum had watched. Her. And Sirius Black.  
  
Pull out his journal. Flip to that day. Read it.  
  
"January 19th, 1971  
  
"I don't know why Narcissa called me at first. She rarely talks to me. I think she wanted Remus, really, but he's not here tonight. He goes away a lot, actually.  
  
"I think she likes him. Bitch. Remus Lupin is mine.  
  
"Anyway, she came for Remus, and when he wasn't here she asked me to come with her. Said it was urgent and we needed to be as stealthy as possible.  
  
"James Potter's magic cloak kinda helped us there.  
  
"We ran over to the Great Hall. I was surprised.  
  
"All the Slytherins were there, at least from our year. Hovering in a circle. I recognized it when I saw it.  
  
"Old magick so old it isn't even magick anymore. A spell, a group occult spell. They were in a circle, twelve of them. All but Snape, who was tied up in the middle to a post. The floor was covered in symbols, and the post was a double-sided cross. Both sides had someone tied as if to be crucified on it, but I could only see Snape from my angle. What most people don't know in this age of Christianity is the cross was a symbol of war long before Constantine used it for his Christian Crusade Banner.  
  
"The symbols glowed as the hovering group chanted. No wands, just hands clasped in an odd prayer motion. The lights went out, but the symbols still burned brightly, bright enough to see perfectly. The moon would be full tonight, and I saw the roof slide open to welcome the moonlight, which would be necessary for the spell. I recognized it, of course, but I didn't want to believe it.  
  
"The symbols were divided into five groups, and each of these five groups had four parts. Five groups. Water, Wood, Metal, Fire, Earth. Four Parts. Air, Water, Earth, Fire. And in the middle of each of the four parts shone up a fifth as they chanted. Ashaka. The Spirit. Old Magick. This was it, a powerful spell possible for very few. A spell that required a heavy, powerful sacrifice, and a blood one. But one of the two would have to kill the other, almost impossible from the position they were tied in. But still.  
  
"Why were they doing this? What would come of it? And most importantly, why did they need so strong a summon? Because they were summoning.  
  
"They were calling a dragon.  
  
"Not the animal. The Spirit Dragons. The Dragon Guardians. At least one, I wouldn't be surprised by the layout if they used more than one. Why, though, was the question.  
  
"Power? Prestige? They were flirting with danger, far more danger than even I wanted.  
  
"This was how my mother died. She was part of a group that tried to kill Voldemort at one of the battles. I remember, because I was there, Mum wanted to protect me and we, my father and I, blindly, stupidly, followed her.  
  
"It was bloody, terrible. Almost everyone was killed. My mother managed to survive long enough to run a little ways. Everyone else she was with had fallen, dead, bloodless, lifeless in front of me, and I was scared, because this was when I was only seven.  
  
"After they all fell, she cast a final spell to try to stop him. I watched it. She stood there, chanting with her hands like that, hovering slightly. She raised a jeweled knife above her head, yelling the final words of the chant- More like a mantra, she kept yelling over and over.  
  
"And he came. The Dragon, Fire. He sucked up the bloodied bodies and became strong. But Voldemort was quicker. He too called forth a dragon, three of them, Metal, Earth and Wood, and he called on Water for a wall. I had never seen elemental magick before this, and until now I never had besides my personal studies and textbooks.  
  
"Voldemort called his beasts, and Mum's was fierce. They fought, but in the end Mum lost. She became the sacrifice for Voldemort's summons, and her magic drifted into them, and then into Voldemort.  
  
"I have always hated him since. And I studied elemental magick since. I have gotten quite good at it.  
  
"The lead of the circle held up the blade, and the moon began to rise. He cut the wires off the second sacrifice first-  
  
"Remus fell to the floor, naked and twitching. The hovering boy didn't care as he cut Snape.  
  
"The moon shone. And then Remus began to change. 


	20. Dragons

Chapter 19  
  
Dragons  
  
Hogwarts  
  
(Cont. from last chapt. Warning for the next few chapters: The ideas of Astronomy/Astrology in this chapter are for entertainment even though the names of the stars and constellations, moon phases, Wicca Shabbats, etc. are real. Also, the elements are accurate Wicca elements, but if I have the wrong name for Spirit, I'm sorry, but I can't find that reference book. As for the Dragons and the Wicca and Astro terms, no, Sirius Black may never have studied Wicca/ Astrology/ Astronomy or been able to summon up Guardians, but I felt it fit the story here. This may seem irrelevant right now, but in a few more chapters it'll all tie in, especially the Snape bits. If I make it seem that Siri is more powerful than Dumbledore, it's because truthfully, I think he is. I also think this is due mostly because Sirius has fewer inhibitions about using unconventional magic- or is portrayed that way in the books, how many by-the-book wizards fly flying motorcycles?- and his current age being at the very least half of Dumbledore's at the time of these chapters, and youth does have a greater ability to perform exhausting spells than age, even if age has the experience for complex spells. And yes, Sirius does understand Christianity and Muggle History, I tend to lean towards the half-Muggle view.)  
  
"They were calling Dragons. Snape was to be the blood sacrifice, and the werewolf magick would be fierce. Also, the magick Snape has himself would be taken. Powerful, all right. Quite the sacrifice. One reason Dragon Summoning is mostly illegal.  
  
"But why would they need it, I wonder?  
  
"I know only a few reasons to Summon at all. One is for the prestige. With the kind of olde magick necessary, one's current magic must be amazing. It's like knowing your first language, then learning the root language of it. Or even the root of its root. My Mum Summoned in ancient Gaelic, which she taught me, and I learned Latin before I came here, which makes it easier for me to learn the pronunciation of spells. So my practicing for the languages only makes my knowledge of English that much greater.  
  
"It's the same way for Magick and Magic. But Dragons hate that reason.  
  
"Another is to fight for you. They are powerful creatures, immune to the unforgivable curses and create a barrier against them when you use a Dragon, and they attack heavily. They usually get the job done. If you can pay the price for their Summoning, they will fight.  
  
"But what they must want is power.  
  
"If you call a Dragon with no purpose, just because you wanted to see if you could or by accident, they reward you with your fondest wish.  
  
"The Muggles have a legend about this, although the legend they have leaves out the dragons entirely. According to one book I have, though, it might have been a dragon that was called. It's a legend about an Israeli king named Solomon who was granted wisdom, wealth, longevity and power from his God for his humble wish.  
  
"The version from my book says that it was actually an accidental Summoning. A wizard had tried to Summon a creature without a weapon or the right herbs, just a chant. King Solomon had walked in on the spell, and accidentally been cut by entering the magic circle. His blood spilled, and the Dragon could not refuse the blood of a king and the magick the wizard was offering. So the dragon came, and the wizard humbly said it was a mistake. When the Dragon offered him his fondest desire, he replied that it was the King's blood that had truly called the Dragon. So the Dragon offered the wish to the King.  
  
"The king had asked for wisdom enough to guide his people, and the humbled dragon offered much more, power, wealth, long life, peace. It's probably true.  
  
"But these kids only wanted power. What would the Dragon do for that? 


	21. Sirius and his Dragons

Chapter 20  
  
Sirius and the Dragons  
  
Hogwarts  
  
(cont. from last chapt.)  
  
"First things first, I have to explain why tonight was so special. Astronomy.  
  
"Sure, what I know about tonight flies past most conventional Astronomy. I get bad marks in class because I subscribe to a different breed of the stuff. The school teaches star maps in accordance to fate and its reign on Earth, but I study it in accordance to Summoning.  
  
"My mother was a Summoner. She was pretty powerful, too. My father was a Muggle psychologist. Most would say boring, I suppose, but it helped me to learn things in a different light. My different light for Astronomy was teaching myself because I wanted to learn how it pertained to the Summons.  
  
"My mother died in front of me. She didn't know she had. I was there, watching her dragon fight Voldemort's, and when hers got overpowered, Voldemort used her as the sacrifice for the dragons. He had summoned three. Mum had only called one, but her dragon was fueled by the power of her magick- not normal magic, but Summon Magick, the old Magicks- and the blood sacrifices of all the people Voldemort had killed before her. She wasn't supposed to use the Dragons, you see, she was supposed to summon mere faeries, angels and genii, not the Dragons. But when Voldemort had killed everyone else and turned on her, she was determined to kill him.  
  
"She had cast the circle before to summon the other spirits, but now she had to break it. She called up a new circle, one of fire, and she tossed in the herbs.  
  
"3 parts Rosemary for Consecration, Protection, and Exorcism. 2 parts Basil for Success and Luck. 1 part Thyme for the Crossing. 2 parts Cinnamon, for Purification and Healing. And for the Fire element, a mix of equal parts Dragon's Blood and Pepper, the mix to be counted as 1 part. Yes, I do know this spell. I know everything about this spell.  
  
"She said the incantation, which is hard to translate. It's not Latin or Olde English, this magick is so old it's in old Gaelic, ancient. Mum taught me old Gaelic and Latin as a child, while Dad was saying I should take French as a second language. But it's useful, all right.  
  
"She kept repeating it over and over, louder each time, the way it's meant to be said. At the appropriate time, she held the dagger.  
  
"I kept this. It's always in my pocket, along with it's mate. Different daggers for different Dragons. The daggers are meant to cast the circle, to spill the sacrificial blood if there isn't any blood already spilt, and to direct the dragon's fight. The daggers are different materials based on the dragon type. The Fire Dragon, Mum's final Summon, was led by an Obsidian- Birthed in fire- blade, covered in fire gems and rubies.  
  
"The Dragon came of course. It was fed on the blood of the fallen and my Mum's magick, and later I found out my own was sent to it as well. The Spirit Dragon of the Element Fire rose up and was directed by that beautiful black and red blade to attack Voldemort. It was so full of Blood and Magick, I think it might have succeeded.  
  
"Except Voldemort also knew how to Summon. He cast up a wall, Element Water, and called not one but three dragons, elements Metal, Earth and Wood.  
  
"I was seven years old. I had just had my birthday the day before, December 21st, Winter Solstice, or the Yule Shabbat. Sagittarius. Born under Sirius and Polaris crossed to Jupiter on a waning moon. Yes, all of this is important to Summoning and more so to tonight.  
  
"The battle lasted until finally the numbers just gave in. Mum was offered as Voldemort's sacrifice for the dragons.  
  
"I remember he tried to take me, he'd known I was there. He left, but not without sending them to fetch me. Them. The Dementors. My first experience with them, not my last. Voldemort seems to know my weakness to them, because I'm allergic to chocolate and therefore easily given into them. And the bad memories do not help.  
  
"They were coming when Dad started to say an old Muggle nursery rhyme to me. I suspect he did it to cure himself of the dementors as well, but the poem. Mum always said that one to me to get me to go to sleep without nightmares.  
  
Hush little baby, don't say a word.  
  
Daddy's gonna buy you a mocking bird.  
  
"I started to cuddle in his arms crying quietly, waiting for them to take me. He just held tight, but then Dumbledore came and shot them away. He picked me up gently, smiling. He told my father that I was probably the most powerful wizard he'd ever seen, and in a few years he would be more than happy to help submit me to Hogwarts. He then gave me a warm drink and handed me back to my father, while they talked. I remember I slipped down and ran over to Mum's corpse.  
  
"The dragons only take the blood and the magick. The body stays there. Her magic, not the kind she'd used for the spell but the kind that made her a witch, was there. And even so young, I was not apprehensive of death. My father had explained long ago that they would die, most likely before me. I was not scared that Mum was dead. Disappointed, a little bit, but not to the extent where I was sobbing at her side. I just looked at her, told her I loved her one more time, told her I'd be a wizard she would be proud of, and took the summoning weapons. A set of small arrows for the fey folk, a set of small round arm bracers for the angels, a set of rings for the genii, and of course the daggers.  
  
"I keep them all, but I only plan to Summon Dragons. The daggers have stayed with me ever since.  
  
"I feel that my mission is to reclaim Mum's final battle. The Summon she never finished.  
  
"Except I will win.  
  
"So as a child I began to research Summoning. I skipped the stuff about how one should go for smaller summons such as Faeries or even minor Sprites first, and went straight from basics to Dragons.  
  
"At eight, I had already attempted three Summons, each failing. My first Success was on my 8th birthday, Midnight, during a full moon. My birthday being the Winter Solstice, a power day, and it being the day of the Yule Solstice once again- this only occurs on occasion- I had a lot of power backing. I also had lit several green candles for luck, and I was wearing a necklace that I have shortened to an anklet now made of hematite, tiger's eye, and amethyst. This bracelet has never left my body since- Hematite is for health and mental protection, tiger's eye for luck and success, and amethyst for physical protection. Plus it looks cool. I'm making one for Remus's birthday February 12th.  
  
"My amateur status prompted me to try my first Summoning with only five dead rabbits and the Magick of an untrained eight year old, so I would have been surprised to find even a sprite at my altar beneath my dagger.  
  
"Imagine my surprise when I found the Omni Dragon.  
  
"Perhaps I should explain. There are five Elements, and one Dragon for each of them. Earth, Fire, Metal, Water, Wood. And each of these Dragons is perfectly balanced between the four Cardinal Points- Earth, North, Air, East, Water, West, and Fire, South. Even if it is a Water Dragon, it is balanced between Earth and Fire, with Air to top it. Same for the others. They all share Air in common, and this led them to meld the Air energy, forever ago, into one Dragon. Their melding created a creature balanced perfectly between the five Elements and four Points, yet at the same time created a fifth Element- Ashaka, or Spirit.  
  
"The Ashaka Dragon, the one with the power to make more Dragons if necessary, sat beneath my blade. I was startled, especially when it asked me what my purpose for Summoning was.  
  
"I explained that I just wanted to see if I could call a dragon when necessary, and he offered me my heart's desire.  
  
"I responded with the ability to call him at will, but he replied it was impossible. So I asked instead for the power to defeat my enemies and protect those I love.  
  
"He laughed, saying that a child with five rats for a blood offering needed to have some serious magick to be able to call him forth, so he didn't need to give me any power. I asked for help to fulfill my wish of defeating enemies and protecting my loved ones, and he offered me something he'd never offered anyone else.  
  
"My own Dragons to call. He asked my Elemental preference, and I said Fire. He handed me an egg, saying it was a Spirit Egg. If I trained it right and learned to share my Magick, it would be my personal weapon. He would give me all the Elements, one at a time after I master taming each one, and in the end I would have five dragons that could meld a new Omni, giving me an army of six. He also suggested I learn walls. To train my Dragon, I learned and taught it Fire Walls. I would spend various phases of the moon, particularly third quarter waxing, summoning and teaching it. I named it Ryalth, and it was able to be Summoned with only my Fire Dagger, the spell itself and anklet after only two years. I then got a Metal Dragon, which I named Förnre, and learned Metal Walls. Within another two years- this year- I mastered it as well, and now I'm waiting for my Earth Egg to hatch.  
  
"My Dragons are powerful, good at spells, quick, listen to me and come when called, sometimes as soon as I mutter the words before the herbs hit the ground. I must be a fine Summoner, but I never trained them for combat.  
  
"And if things kept up the way they were going, I would be forced to combat them. 


	22. The Slytherin Summoning

Chapter 20  
  
The Slytherin Summoning  
  
Hogwarts  
  
(Cont. from Last Chapt.)  
  
"Narcissa huddled against me, scared. Remus was transforming, and we both realized at the same time why.  
  
"Remus Lupin is a werewolf.  
  
"It hurt to see that beautiful boy being stretched, tortured, and ripped. I knew the scars would not be there tomorrow, but to see him bleed like that.  
  
"Oh, Remus.  
  
"Snape started whimpering. Under normal circumstance, I would laugh, but the fact was he was ten feet above a werewolf and dripping blood. Quite harsh, and even I couldn't mock him for this.  
  
"Narcissa wailed. She flirted with Remus openly, my biggest competition, and she was scared of this. No, she was like me. Sympathetic. Wanted to heal, alleviate the pain, anything to not have him howl like that, crave the blood he saw and smelt.  
  
"The symbols glowed, and they started to chant louder. Not the same incantation I use. They spoke Latin. Old Gaelic is best, Mum used to say, and from private experimentation, she was right. Still. While I alone may not summon a Dragon with Latin, they may.  
  
"But then they switched to my chant. They each held up a dagger, five different ones, and I watched as they finished the summon. They were getting something, just not when they wanted. It would be a while, but I could feel it there, feeding on their magick and Snape's and Remus's blood. I turned to Narcissa and ordered her to start saying nursery rhymes or poetry or songs from her childhood, anything that brought pleasant childhood memories.  
  
"This would be our first Ward. A mother's love is the eldest of the Olde Magicks. Narcissa did so, and I started to Summon. I held up my daggers to cast them finally, but instead of giving them a different blood sacrifice, I crossed the daggers into my own forearms and slashed deep, bloody and true.  
  
"Ryalth came first, then Förnre. I had both cast a Wall on themselves, then I summoned up both walls on me with my own power. Then, I waited for their dragon.  
  
"Instead, I was treated to the original Fire, Earth and Wood dragons. Amazing. The twelve of them together could summon three, while I could get an Omni.  
  
"Ryalth attacked the Wood, Förnre the Fire. It was quick, but they took them down none the less.  
  
"Then Ryalth went to save Snape while Förnre took care of the Earth Dragon. It wasn't even a fight with any of them- Förnre and Ryalth were far stronger alone than all three other dragons put together. Förnre had needed only a swipe to fell the Fire. I called them back and healed any holes in their Walls, which were so minimally damaged I felt stupid for wasting the magick needed to repair them.  
  
"Suddenly a new voice called out the spell. I recognized it- Voldemort.  
  
"Krysh, the Omni Dragon, appeared. Förnre and Ryalth recognized their sire, but on my plea they attacked. Voldemort seemed to recognize me too, because the dementors came.  
  
"But Narcissa's memories kept up the barrier of happiness, and they were forced out.  
  
"I had power that night. A Blue Moon is the strongest of all moons, and the stars were aligned to my best position. My Planet, Jupiter, was risen, and Sirius was directly in line with it, as was my secondary star Polaris. And there was a Elemental Cross, barely mentioned in class, between the four brightest stars, Sirius, Polaris, Alpha Centauri, and Vega. My star sign, Sagittarius, was still dominant in the sky. It was midnight, my hour of maximum power. My totem animal is wolves, and I had not only Snape's blood to draw on but Remus's, two powerful wizards, and my totem animal to draw. I drew from everything and sent it to Förnre and Ryalth. My own blood having been used for the Summon, thus creating a exceptionally tight bond, I could give all my power to them, and the power of my own blood.  
  
"Finally, I had power because I did it for Remus and my love for him. And my Dragons heard that.  
  
"They kept fighting. I couldn't tell if they'd won because my Walls fell. Even the Happiness barrier. Narcissa kept telling her rhymes, but it was too late, I couldn't cast the wall up again between the energy of the Summoning, the blood loss and the dementors coming to me.  
  
"The last thing I recall is Narcissa's voice:  
  
If that mocking bird don't sing,  
  
Daddy's gonna buy you a diamond ring.  
  
"Then I fainted. 


	23. Sirius and Dumbledore

Okay. Oops. I have gotten at least one review stating they didn't understand the summoning thing. First off, I meant to include this chapter between the last two I updated last time, but pilot error stopped that. (i.e., I am a moron.) So this is a bit of explanation for why it was important: 1, Sirius knows that Remus is a werewolf and keeps it secret from the others. B, he is extremely powerful, but only when he lets his emotions lead him. 3, he loves Remus immensely from their first year on. And finally, it shows a bit of why Voldemort is afraid of Hogwarts/ Dumbledore, but there's more that will be explained later. And yes, all of the Snape bits were very important, possibly some of the most important scenes, and yes, it will tie in to the "3 rd year prank" Sirius plays on Snape.  
  
Also, I just wanted to say that I have been unable to relocate the Wiccan texts to check on the real name for "Spirit", but I have found out that the Astrology stuff I'd thought I'd been guessing with was all pretty much dead- on. (I did something right for once, Yosh'!)  
  
Finally, I will be unable to update this or my other HP story, "Just for the Shock Value!!", until I get back my computer with the next chapters for each half-finished, but I plan to write more on the latter chapters and work on other stories. I still have an FY challenge from my brother and a few leaky ideas to shift through, so I may be seeing you in other places. That's all for now. Thanks. -Dave M. Ottewa, 2-22-02.  
  
~~~~~  
  
Chapter 21  
  
Sirius and Dumbledore  
  
Hogwarts  
  
I awoke in Dumledore's office.  
  
"Professor?"  
  
"Good to see you awake, Mr. Black. How are you feeling?"  
  
"A little woozy. Disorientated. My arms hurt."  
  
"All normal. The first is because we had to pump you full of blood again, the second is because you ran your body through some of the highest and most ancient magick around, and the third is because of those nasty cuts.  
  
"These? They help me create a stronger bond with Förnre and Ryalth."  
  
"Indeed?" He handed me a tray of candy. I was glad to notice no chocolate.  
  
"First to say is that you single-handedly saved Severus Snape's life. Secondly, you prevented twelve fine young men from following through on the Imperalus Curse. Third, you stopped Remus Lupin from not only killing Mr. Snape, but from living with the grief of taking a life and being expelled and prejudiced for the rest of his life. But most importantly, you single- handedly pushed back Lord Voldemort's attempt on the school."  
  
That got me. "What?"  
  
"He had retreated as soon a he saw your Dragons overtake his. He assumed it was me, and was also gone before you fainted."  
  
"I won?"  
  
"Yes, you did. And might I add that it takes a fine bit of Summoning to call up a Fire Dragon and a Metal Dragon and use them to beat the Omni Dragon."  
  
"I trust Förnre and Ryalth with my life, sir."  
  
"And last night you trusted them with the entire school population's."  
  
"Unknowingly, sir."  
  
"Oh?"  
  
"I just wanted to save Remus."  
  
"Oh.?"  
  
"Yes, sir."  
  
"Hmm. Then maybe it's best if I don't erase your memories of tonight. Having you know might be helpful to him. You do realize that all of your valiant work will be forgotten to protect Remus Lupin's safety and secret?"  
  
"Of course, sir."  
  
"And Remus himself will forget it, because he would hate himself if he knew how close he was to killing Snape."  
  
"Yes sir, Remus has a good heart."  
  
"Well, then, I hope you realize that Voldemort has never been afraid of me."  
  
"What?"  
  
"He hasn't attacked Hogwarts yet because he felt a certain connection to it. He was Slytherin's heir, you know."  
  
"No, I didn't know that." "He owns a piece of this school, and that piece will stop him from destroyer the whole."  
  
"Oh."  
  
"Now, he is afraid of the school."  
  
"Why, sir, if you don't mind my asking."  
  
"Not at all, Mr. Black, not when it pertains to you."  
  
"Excuse me, sir?"  
  
"He believed that you were me. He is now completely afraid of me, and he is now afraid to come back here. But the one who really defeated him, Sirius, was you, and I feel you should know that even if for your own protection no one else does. I am an old man, if Voldemort kills me there will be no problems, but you have your whole life to live yet, and you certainly don't need Voldemort to try and kill you."  
  
"Nor do I need the whole school knowing, they'll hero-worship me."  
  
"Or ridicule you."  
  
"Mockery I can deal with."  
  
"I believe you."  
  
"But worst of all would be how he can hurt my friends to get to me. Especially Remus."  
  
"Maybe it shouldn't be so surprising that you could Summon Dragons at your age, much less defeat Voldemort's with them, when you seem to be so intelligent."  
  
"I know, I know Why don't my grades reflect this?"  
  
"I know exactly why, Mr. Black, and believe me I only tolerate it because I find it extremely funny."  
  
I smiled. So not only was Remus safe, but I had defeated Voldemort single-handedly and Dumbledore was letting my pranking with Peter and James slide. Maybe we could talk Remus into some?  
  
Hell, if I could top an Omni Dragon, I could spin Remus Lupin, rule- obligor that he is, to follow us to steal food from House Elves and glue a occasional curse onto a Slytherin.  
  
Regardless, his secret was safe with me. 


End file.
